Childcare in the Summer? Welcome to Grandparent Camp

Source: Kampus Production/Pexels

If you have young children, then you probably know that finding summer childcare is a hot mess. The cutthroat sign-up days, camps that fill within minutes, and bonkers price tags can leave you wishing for year-round school.

If you’re lucky, you might live close to grandparents that are willing to step in and fill gaps between camps or even provide full-time care. As wonderful as it is for both grandparents and grandchildren to spend time with one another, this arrangement isn’t always smooth sailing. From who pays to getting grandparents to follow the rules, pain points will pop up. But, with open communication, you can minimize tensions and ensure smooth sailing for the summer.

Pain Point 1: Scheduling

Some grandparents may have the time and energy to watch your kids full-time while others don’t have the stamina (or desire) to do more than a couple days a week. Either way, it’s important to respect your parents' (or parents-in-law’s) boundaries around childcare. It’s also imperative not to assume or pressure them into a certain schedule. Grandparents shouldn’t be expected to be on standby or pause their lives to watch your children (although I’m sure many would be happy to in a pinch!).

When asking for childcare help, it’s important to ask versus demand, give them the opportunity to decline, and develop a concrete schedule.

Instead of

Dad, we can’t afford camps this year, so I’m going to need you to watch the kids this summer. I know it’s a lot to ask, but we don’t have any other choice,

Try

Hey Dad! Finances are really tight right now, and putting the kids in camps all summer seems to be out of budget. I know it’s a lot to ask, but I was wondering if you would be free to watch the kids one week a month this summer? I totally understand if that doesn’t work for you, but just thought I’d ask. Think about it and let me know.

Pain Point 2: Rules

Parents and grandparents tend to play by a different set of rules. The same folks who gave you a strict curfew, monitored your sugar intake, and didn’t let you leave the block are the same people pumping your child full of sweets while they cheer them on as they do backflips on their bed. Yes, grandparenting is a different ball game. When grandparents are providing primary childcare, however, it can’t always be fun and games like a one-off sleepover.

It's important to outline and communicate rules and expectations. Some rules are nonnegotiable and need to be followed at all times. Nonnegotiable rules may include things like safety rules (e.g., car seats, pool supervision), health rules (e.g., medication schedule, allergy awareness), and body rules (e.g., privacy, physical boundaries with affection). Other rules may be more negotiable and have some wiggle room like screen time, allowed snacks, and naptime.

However, grandparents aren’t mind readers, so it’s important to communicate rules in advance or refresh them if a violation occurred.

For nonnegotiable rules, try something like

Hey Dad! We really appreciate you watching Melody! She loves spending time with you. I know she’s 7, but the law states that she still needs to be in a booster seat and sit in the back seat, every time. I know it’s different than when I was a kid, but we want to keep her safe. And to make it easy for you, we bought a separate booster to install in your car so you don’t have to remember to install it every time!

For negotiable rules, try

Hi Mom! Thanks for watching the kids. I don’t mind if they get some extra sweet treats when they are with you, but would you mind making sure they don’t have any cookies or candy after 4:00 p.m.? I want to make sure they have room for dinner when they get home. Thanks and love you!

Pain Point 3: Paying

Money is always a touchy topic, and who pays for what can get murky when it’s family providing childcare. In general, if grandparents are providing full-time care, at your request, they should be compensated in a way that you are both comfortable with. Even if you’re using grandma camp for budgetary reasons, grandparents should still receive some token of appreciation, be it a gift card or a homemade meal.

Family Dynamics Essential Reads

Welcoming the Black Sheep of the Family

Why Is It So Hard to Divorce Your Toxic Biological Family?

Also, if grandparents plan on taking your kids on regular outings to the zoo, museums, or pool, you should be paying for your child’s and their caregiver’s admission and other costs, such as food and snacks. Often, buying a family membership to the zoo or pool will pay for itself in just a few uses, so, although it may be an upfront cost, it will help alleviate headaches for the summer.

If grandparents request or offer to spend time with their grandkids for a week or weekend, then by all means let them pay! Of course, send your child with a little extra spending money just in case, but if the grandparents invited them to do an activity or take a trip, it’s likely assumed they’re footing the bill. When in doubt, ask!:

Thanks so much for inviting the kids on vacation; are you sure we can’t pay for anything? I’ll send them with a little extra cash, just in case!

With open communication, grandparents and grandchildren can be ready to have fun in the sun!