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Key points
- "Ted Lasso" inspired with imperfect, endearing characters whose trials and transformations mirrored our own.
- The “Rebecca Effect” is the empowerment and transformation possible when we have been oppressed or shamed.
- The "Rebecca Effect" is the process through which women embrace themselves in totality.
- Self-compassion is profoundly empowering and includes embracing our childhood self.
During the pandemic, many of us found solace in the Ted Lasso television show. In a world engulfed in chaos, we sought refuge in the show's imperfect yet endearing characters, drawing inspiration from their trials, tribulations, and transformations, which mirrored our own. The show's humility, values, humor, and profound kindness offered a stark contrast to the unkindness rampant worldwide. It transported us to a realm where belief in the underdog and respectful interactions prevailed. Laughter and tears were frequent companions during our viewing experience.
Transformation
Embedded within the series was a recurring message of transformation. An especially poignant and powerful transformation was that of Rebecca Welton, the owner of the fictional Richmond football team. I call this transformation the "Rebecca Effect," and believe it can serve as a beacon of hope for anyone who has felt marginalized, oppressed, shamed, and subjected to micro- and macro-aggressions.
Initially, Rebecca is consumed by a desire for revenge against her ex-husband, Rupert, who betrayed their marriage. She aims to destroy his beloved football team, which she received in their divorce, by hiring the soccer-illiterate American football coach Ted Lasso. Her eventual journey is littered with reminders of her ex-husband's public attempts to marginalize and shame her. Through her self-reflections, the support of friends, and her relationships with Lasso and her best friend, Keeley, she reclaims herself.
The “Rebecca Effect”
Like Rebecca, many women endure betrayal, marginalization, and oppression. Despite possessing great strength, they may experience doubt and question their value. Many women encounter individuals who espouse misogynistic views and attempt to diminish their worth. The "Rebecca Effect" describes the process through which women can embrace themselves in totality—their gifts and their imperfections. They gain the courage to confront injustice. This transformation includes embracing vulnerability, acknowledging their inner child, and realizing their inherent power and worth.
In a powerful moment in Ted Lasso, we witness Rebecca gazing into a mirror, seeing her reflection as a young girl. She communicates a message of empowerment to her younger self. This leads to one of the most memorable and transformative moments for Rebecca, when she delivers a powerful speech about her perspective on the true essence of football. Invited to a meeting with other owners to discuss creating a super football league, she enters a conference room as the sole woman present. Upon entering, an old acquaintance makes an inappropriate comment about her appearance. Her ex-husband is also in attendance. As she listens to the greed-driven discussion, we witness her growing empowerment. A supportive text from her best friend reminds her that all the men in the room were once young boys. Before she starts speaking, she gazes at the avaricious men and envisions them as young boys.
Courage and Compassion
With unwavering courage and determination, she passionately extols the significance of football for all people. Her thoughts of revenge against her ex-husband are transformed to compassion as she recounts a story from his youth—a tale of a young boy without means who used to sneak into the stadium to watch matches, only to be caught and beaten by a guard. Twenty-five years later, when her ex-husband acquired the Richmond club, he summoned that very guard to his office and, inexplicably, gave him a pay raise. After she's convinced the group to move away from their plan, her ex approaches her to embrace her, but she backs up and sets a firm boundary: She no longer wants or seeks his affection.
Rebecca grows to love the Richmond team and wants it to succeed. Representative of her transformative actions, she is embraced by Richmond's fans when she decides to hold onto 51% of team ownership and sell the other 49% to the fans.
While watching Rebecca’s transformation, I found myself inexplicably tearing up and becoming aware that her journey was also my journey—and that of so many women with whom I had interacted over the years: Women who did not receive promotions or equal pay, even though they were more qualified than male counterparts; or who were oppressed by off-color jokes, sexual innuendos and advances from colleagues or supervisors.
Memories of a time when I had been publicly shamed by a powerful individual in front of a prominent audience flooded my consciousness. I had made a mistake, and the aftermath was characterized by unrelentless verbal cruelty. I felt myself shrinking and shaking, wondering about my self-worth and being transported to the abuse of my childhood. A group of women came forth to support and protect me. Their support helped me speak my truth to power. Although I did not feel particularly courageous, many of the women later shared that witnessing me stand up and speak openly to the powerful person was a defining moment for them.
Upon self-reflection, with the unwavering support of loved ones, and the wisdom that comes with lived experiences, I, too, could embrace my whole self, including the imperfections of that particular day. As was true of Rebecca, by imagining my younger self with an embodied embrace, it was possible to feel the merging of the two, the adult and the child.
Self-Compassion
Self-compassion can spring up and allow us all to accept kind and nourishing words from others. We may also become aware that our path is larger than the self, and we may be involved in a greater purpose. The “Rebecca Effect" is the empowerment and transformation possible for all of us who have been oppressed, marginalized, or shamed.
I encourage you to pause and reflect on your journey. Take a moment to experience the “Rebecca Effect." Be kind and compassionate to your whole self. It can be helpful to write a letter to your younger self and include all that you have learned about love and healing. What or who has helped you during difficult times? Just as Rebecca gazed into the mirror and imagined her younger self, you can do the same. Surround yourself with all that has helped you and nourished you on your journey, and pay attention to the thoughts, feelings, and sensations you experience when you embrace your whole self with compassion.
