Getting Sober Curious: The Simple Way to Improve Your Life

Have you heard of "sober curious”? The sober curious movement is a growing trend of people re-evaluating their relationships with alcohol, even if they aren’t struggling with alcohol abuse or dependence.

Getting sober curious is accomplished through various means, but tends to involve at least some period of abstinence from alcohol, such as “Sober September” or “Dry January.” There are a growing array of books, workbooks, podcasts, Facebook groups, programs, and coaches offering guidance on how to structure sober experiences and communities of support for those taking part. The growing popularity of the “sober hip” movement is also evident in the ever-increasing number of alcohol-free bars, festivals, and events popping up around the world.

The growth of this movement has been driven largely by millennials pushing back on ubiquitous corporate and social messaging about alcohol as sexy, sophisticated, and necessary for a good time. The trend reflects a growing awareness of the negative health impacts of alcohol, as well as recognition of the limitations of traditional 12-step/Alcoholics Anonymous programs.

These programs, as well as the controversial but widely-accepted disease model of alcoholism, tend to group people into two camps: problem drinkers/alcoholics and normal drinkers. This artificial binary choice has led to widespread confusion about what constitutes “healthy” or “normal” drinking and discourages anyone who isn’t an “alcoholic” from evaluating or cutting back on their alcohol use.

The sober curious movement strives to help people identify and explore their beliefs about alcohol, their patterns of usage, and how alcohol benefits or does not benefit their lives, as well as provide accurate information about what alcohol usage does to the body and brain.

Your Brain on Alcohol: The Addictive Cycle

When we drink alcohol, our brain’s reward system releases dopamine, which we experience as pleasurable. Dopamine helps us learn and motivates us to repeat certain experiences—including things like eating and sex—which is helpful for survival.

However, when excess dopamine gets released repeatedly from regular alcohol consumption, our brain attempts to compensate by reducing the available dopamine, referred to as “downregulation.” This means that, over time, without the presence of alcohol, we are walking around with less dopamine than ideal, which we experience as withdrawal.

Withdrawal, as you are probably aware, is uncomfortable—particularly if you have been drinking a lot. Consequently, our brains seek out opportunities for creating more dopamine, causing craving, and—viola—the addictive cycle begins.

This cycle can happen to any of us. It can be triggered by alcohol or other dopamine-producing habits, such as gambling (though alcohol—unlike gambling—does a lot more physical damage to the body than just disrupting dopamine.) Experiencing these predictable brain changes from alcohol use over time doesn’t mean that we are “alcoholics”—a word with no agreed-upon definition—it simply means that our brain has learned from experience to function in a particular way. We all learn from repetition—and we can also unlearn by changing our habits.

The sober curious movement encourages people to step back from mindless habits to look at what they are doing and explore whether their behavior fits with their long- and short-term goals. Taking a break from alcohol allows the cycle of addiction to cease so that our brains are functioning optimally and our choices aren’t being driven by withdrawal and craving, but by intention and awareness.

The Underlying Mechanism of Sober Curiosity: Mindfulness

Mindfulness has become part of nearly every reputable wellness and recovery program. Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention to the present moment, rather than letting our thoughts pull us back to the past or forward to the future.

We learn to stay present without judgment or reaction and just notice what’s happening. Over time, a mindfulness practice loosens our grip on the addictive cycle by increasing awareness of each part of the cycle and how they work together. For example, we begin to notice that our cravings increase the day after drinking, but disappear after a period of sobriety.

Moreover, mindfulness helps improve many of the issues—such as stress, anxiety, depression—that often lead to addictive behaviors. When we practice mindfulness, we find we have less need to “cope” with unhelpful or unhealthy behaviors.

Rather than automatically trying to eliminate stress or unhappiness from our lives, we come to realize that these experiences come and go. We find that we can handle them without having to numb out or distract ourselves. We learn to be with life as it is.

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Giving Sober Curiosity a Try

If you are feeling curious, I recommend starting by not changing anything and keeping a journal for one week of your alcohol consumption and your notes on the following variables rated on a scale of 1-10: mood, anxiety, feeling of being well-rested/quality sleep, perception of stress, and your overall sense of empowerment/motivation toward your goals. This is your baseline.

Next, estimate what these scores could be if you removed alcohol from your life for one month. Write down an expected score for each category.

Next, ask yourself: If your scores changed at all, why? What is it that you know about alcohol that makes you think your scores might be different without it? Do you feel motivated to change? Why? Write it down. Include details about how you want to look, feel, and act.

Next, begin reading or listening to content about alcohol and how it impacts your brain and body. I highly recommend the following books: Sober Curious, Alcohol Explained, This Naked Mind, Quit Like a Woman, and The Sober Diaries.

Finally, make a plan that supports your goals. Perhaps you’d like to drink less, or take a week or month off. Make a plan and follow through. Track your ratings as you did initially during baseline week. Notice if you see any improvements in your mood, anxiety, sense of stress, or sense of empowerment. I bet you will!

Good luck.