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This year, the oldest members of Generation X turn 50. Gen X, or those of us born from 1965 to 1980, pride ourselves on our perpetually youthful and edgy spirit. We pioneered the “delayed transition to adulthood,” as demographers like to call it. We stayed in school through our 20s and 30s, tried a few jobs and romantic partners before deciding on “the one,” and waited much longer than our parents to settle down and buy homes (partly due to exorbitant housing prices). Some appear to be aging backwards, with Halle Berry and Jennifer Lopez looking more luminous with each passing year. And Will Ferrell and Adam Sandler have creative license to act like high school class clowns, even as their 50th birthdays near. Gen X parents forged the Alternadad and “martini mom” movements, eschewing stodgy business suits and “mom jeans” for ironic T-shirts and overpriced yoga pants – both signs of youth and fitness.
The hard truth is that we’re not 30 anymore. The more ‘senior’ members of Gen X are squarely middle-aged, although ‘midlife’ has a much nicer ring to it. With each passing year, our bodies grow a bit rustier. For many, waistlines are thickening, hairlines receding, and laugh lines multiplying. For others, optometrists have dropped the dreaded word “progressives.” For a few, the once-energetic hop out of bed each morning is now a slow crawl, as arthritis prematurely invades our joints. Even the fittest among us may have a few new aches and pains after a strenuous hike or grueling body pump class, The challenges of midlife aren’t just physical. Many Gen Xers are “sandwiched” between the dual responsibilities of caring for unhealthy parents, while also looking after kids who are years away from leaving the family nest. Some researchers have gone so far as to argue that midlife is the least happy time of our lives.
But getting older also has earned us benefits that we should eagerly embrace and celebrate. While most people look back nostalgically at their youth, very few people actually want to be 22 again. The uncertainty and anxiety of our 20s is replaced by a sense of acceptance, equanimity, and self-knowledge once we reach our 40s, 50s, and beyond. Here are just a few things to celebrate as we age:
No more drama. Scientists have documented that emotional reactivity, or how strongly we react emotionally to life’s ups and downs, declines with age. As we grow older, we develop a greater capacity to manage or “regulate” our feelings, meaning that the highs are never as euphoric as those experienced during our heady teen years, but the lows are never as bleak. Aging means we’re better at rolling with the emotional punches because we can put things into perspective. Catastrophizers not withstanding, most of us have enough life experience to know that one marital spat doesn’t spell divorce, just as one slip-up at work doesn’t mean we’re getting a pink slip. Keeping our emotions in realistic proportion to what’s happening in life is one of the gifts of getting older. Lack of drama doesn't mean lack of passion or spirit - it just means we're capable of channeling our feelings and energy in a productive way.
Goodbye, imposter syndrome. Business magazines and self-help books regularly warn us of the pitfalls of the “imposter syndrome.” This condition, which strikes women more than men, is the feeling that we’re a fraud at work, and we really haven’t earned the accolades or opportunities that have come our way. Rather than recognizing that our hard work or talent scored us a plum job or fancy honor, we instead attribute our successes to something outside of ourselves. Good luck. Being in the right place at the right time. Divine intervention. Anything other than one’s own brains and energy. But with each passing year, we accrue more experiences where we’ve demonstrated our competence, ability, and good judgement. Sure, maybe that first promotion (or publication or award) was a “fluke” or “luck.” But the second? The third? The tenth? By looking back at all the challenges you've faced and problems you've successfully resolved, the imposter syndrome should eventually give way to a genuine faith and confidence in one’s own abilities.
Gray hair, don’t care. One of the best parts of getting older is that we don’t particularly care what people think about us. Sure, we want to be respected by our coworkers and loved by our family and friends, but the importance of more distant others’ opinions just doesn’t matter that much. Academic studies of peer influence show that our desire to fit in with others plummets as we leave our teen years and young adulthood. Doing what we think is right is much more important than bending to peer pressure, or trying to fit in with a clique, a fashion trend, parenting style, or political viewpoint that just doesn’t work for us. The wisdom of knowing one’s self comes only with time and life experience. This wisdom frees us up to make life choices that are best for us, regardless of what others think -- whether it's starting your own business, pursuing a dream job, running your first-ever marathon, learning a musical instrument, or finding a new love. It's all about finding the right fit.
Embrace aging. It is, according to the time-worn quip, “better than the alternative.”
