Why Americans Are Frustrated, Entitled, and Judgmental

External locus of control is a sense that one’s destiny is controlled by powerful others. It carries the impression that there’s little we can do to improve our lives. It makes us think that we’d be okay if other people - or the government - would just do this or not do that.

The pandemic has exacerbated generalized feelings of powerlessness. We resent the loss of normal times, when all we had to complain about were politicians, the economy, social justice, climate change, terrorists, and our families.

Not surprisingly, external locus of control correlates with depression, anxiety, envy, and external regulation of emotions - other people seem to “push your buttons” and unduly influence your thinking and moods.

One reason for the dull sense of powerlessness that permeates public discourse is the paradox of social media. When everyone has a voice, no one listens. Instead, we react to the most vociferous - the loudest and most negative.

Of course, the most critical voices in the media are the least tolerant of being criticized and the most easily offended.

Entitlement

A sense of entitlement is the tacit belief that your rights are superior to other people’s, that your right to get something is superior to someone else’s right not to give it you.

Entitlement has reached a point where media voices feel entitled to control what other people think and to shame those who think for themselves.

Entitlement and frustration are inexorably linked. Once we’re over five and not cute anymore, the world is unlikely to meet our entitlement demands. Entitlement breeds resentment, and resentment increases entitlement:

“The world is so unfair, I shouldn’t have to wait in line, too!”

Frustration and resentment over media discourse inevitably bleed into personal lives. My specialty as a relationship counselor is chronic resentment, anger, and emotional abuse. My work has more than tripled in the last six years.

Backlash Politics

When my clients express anger about politicians, they immediately recite a list of what they’re against. If I ask what the candidates they favor are for, they’re hard pressed to come up with anything. We tend to lose sight of what we stand for when focused on what we stand against.

No matter what you’re for, you’ll face a backlash in the media.

Because negative emotions get priority processing in the brain, backlash has more salience than what it opposes. Hegel’s dialectic no longer produces a synthesis of ideas. Instead, we have backlash against backlash against backlash. The politician or party that gains power by stirring anger will surely lose power by the same means. Those who live by backlash die by it.

False Dichotomy

Many people conflate anger with caring and labor under a false dichotomy: You're either angry about the way the world is, or you don't care.

When anger and caring go together, you care more about what you don't want than what you do want. Focus on what you strongly want, if consistent with your deeper values, generates passion and conviction. Passion and conviction bring about enduring positive change. Anger merely produces backlash. Caring turns into effective action when motivated by passion for building, rather than mean-spirited tearing down.

The Lost Virtue of Reserving Judgment

“Thinking is difficult; that’s why people judge.” – Carl Jung

Our brains make implicit judgments at lightning speed, guiding our conscious thoughts, feelings, and actions. Conscious thinking in effect "justifies" implicit judgments. The justifying process is inherently biased, supported with invalid, partial, or cherry-picked evidence or, more frequently, no evidence at all.

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The human brain has enormous trouble with uncertainty. It makes us uncomfortable, if not anxious. Our discomfort makes us intolerant of ambiguity in an ambiguous world. So we make up simple explanations that give us more comfortable feelings of certainty. In our increasingly complex world, we swim in an ocean of doubt ,but judge that we walk on solid ground of certainty.

“Doubt is an uncomfortable condition, but certainty is a ridiculous one.”- Voltaire.

We’d rather feel certain than be right. “Feel” is the key word. Certainty is an emotional state, not an intellectual one. To feel certain, we must limit the information we consider. The more information we discount or ignore, the more likely we are to be wrong.

The Wisdom of Uncertainty

Socrates attributed his wisdom to knowing how little he knew.

There is no learning without doubt. But doubt is insidious when we deny it. When doubt motivates learning, judgment comes at the end of the thinking process, not before it. The height of honesty and intelligence is often saying, “I don’t know.”

The most lamentable of lost virtues is reserving judgment.

Better Critical Thinking Leads to Improved Mental Health

For a better life:

• Identify your implicit judgments about everything important to you
• Consider evidence for and against them
• Avoid using oversimplified negative labels
• Appreciate the enormous complexity of modern life
• Accept that truth is polygonal.

By all means, do the above in media discourse. The honesty of doubt and the integrity of reserving judgment can be contagious and help the nation begin to display signs of emotional health.