Ambigamy

Relationships

How to Restore Power Balance in Relationships

Jeremy E. Sherman Ph.D. on October 17, 2024

If your feel that your partner overrides your preferences, here are some strategies to try.

If your feel that your partner overrides your preferences, here are some strategies to try.

Sex

Sex, Love and (Awkward) Self-Affirmation

Jeremy E. Sherman Ph.D. on May 30, 2024

It's understandable that we don't say "I pursue sex and romance for self-affirmation," and yet it's also natural than we do just that.

It's understandable that we don't say "I pursue sex and romance for self-affirmation," and yet it's also natural than we do just that.

Motivation

Psychology's Secret: No One Knows What a Motivation Is

Jeremy E. Sherman Ph.D. on May 23, 2024

In psychology, the elephant IS the room: The dirty secret is that no psychologist has an explanation for what a motivation physically is.

In psychology, the elephant IS the room: The dirty secret is that no psychologist has an explanation for what a motivation physically is.

Relationships

Checks and Balances Explain Everything You Love and Hate

Jeremy E. Sherman Ph.D. on May 21, 2024

It takes two to tango, entangle, and sustain-go. Mutual balanced limitations sustain marriages, arguments, wars, and governments.

It takes two to tango, entangle, and sustain-go. Mutual balanced limitations sustain marriages, arguments, wars, and governments.

Optimism

Are You a Positive or a Negative Optimist?

Jeremy E. Sherman Ph.D. on May 6, 2024

A positive optimist hopes for a better future to motivate people to strive for it. A negative optimist also hopes for a better future but attends to what keeps us from reaching it.

A positive optimist hopes for a better future to motivate people to strive for it. A negative optimist also hopes for a better future but attends to what keeps us from reaching it.

Cognition

Craving Affirmation Explains So Much If We'd Just Admit it

Jeremy E. Sherman Ph.D. on April 23, 2024

To understand and predict human behavior, including your own, follow the affirmation: More than we admit, what we do is largely a function of where we're affirmed.

To understand and predict human behavior, including your own, follow the affirmation: More than we admit, what we do is largely a function of where we're affirmed.

Cognitive Dissonance

No Compromise: The Dangerous Dream That We Can Have It All

Jeremy E. Sherman Ph.D. on March 10, 2024

We're born inconsistent and tend to rationalize away our cognitive dissonance. Accepting this helps explain the rise of ideologies that promise you can have it all.

We're born inconsistent and tend to rationalize away our cognitive dissonance. Accepting this helps explain the rise of ideologies that promise you can have it all.

Child Development

A New Way of Explaining and Predicting Human Behavior

Jeremy E. Sherman Ph.D. on March 4, 2024

In economics they say "Follow the money", but it's more than that: Follow the status affirmation.

In economics they say "Follow the money", but it's more than that: Follow the status affirmation.

Relationships

If Being Transactional Is Bad, What's the Alternative?

Jeremy E. Sherman Ph.D. on January 28, 2024

Give-and-take transactionalism is so exhausting we dream of transcending it. But the alternative is worse.

Give-and-take transactionalism is so exhausting we dream of transcending it. But the alternative is worse.

Social Life

How to Criticize

Jeremy E. Sherman Ph.D. on November 4, 2023

Live and let live, but also give and get criticism. Here are 14 tips for giving criticism that will make it more effective and less off-putting.

Live and let live, but also give and get criticism. Here are 14 tips for giving criticism that will make it more effective and less off-putting.

Cognition

The Smart-Articulate and Dumb-Stubborn Spirals

Jeremy E. Sherman Ph.D. on October 29, 2023

If you strain to find words to say what you mean, keep straining, because improving your word skills will deepen your experience, influence, and wisdom.

If you strain to find words to say what you mean, keep straining, because improving your word skills will deepen your experience, influence, and wisdom.

Anxiety

Getting Your Bearings Is Hardest When You’ve Just Lost Them

Jeremy E. Sherman Ph.D. on September 30, 2023

It's hard overcoming anxiety when we're at our most anxious. Here are six tips for self-soothing through a difficult transition.

It's hard overcoming anxiety when we're at our most anxious. Here are six tips for self-soothing through a difficult transition.

Narcissism

Extremists? Radicals? Fanatics? The Better Term Is "More-On"

Jeremy E. Sherman Ph.D. on September 29, 2023

A more accurate term than extremist or radical is "more-on": someone claiming we should pile more and more on of some absolute pure virtue, never mind the consequences.

A more accurate term than extremist or radical is "more-on": someone claiming we should pile more and more on of some absolute pure virtue, never mind the consequences.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness Practice vs Psychoanalysis

Jeremy E. Sherman Ph.D. on September 26, 2023

Psychotherapy? Meditation? We still need more efficient ways to help people recognize, accept, and make peace with their human nature.

Psychotherapy? Meditation? We still need more efficient ways to help people recognize, accept, and make peace with their human nature.

Cognition

Unrealistic Hopes Are a Devil's Bargain

Jeremy E. Sherman Ph.D. on September 13, 2023

Hope for humanity is an important coping strategy. So is acceptance about what we really are as a species.

Hope for humanity is an important coping strategy. So is acceptance about what we really are as a species.

Spirituality

A Course in No Miracles, Just Explainable Magic

Jeremy E. Sherman Ph.D. on August 28, 2023

Spirituality is religion with a disembodied god. If you want something more grounded, try a non-spiritual practice, and it's not evolutionary psychology.

Spirituality is religion with a disembodied god. If you want something more grounded, try a non-spiritual practice, and it's not evolutionary psychology.

Relationships

How Moral Feelings Can Make Us Immoral

Jeremy E. Sherman Ph.D. on July 15, 2023

Moral striving can blind us to the the real moral questions: Not which behaviors are always good or bad, but when to apply which behaviors.

Moral striving can blind us to the the real moral questions: Not which behaviors are always good or bad, but when to apply which behaviors.

Artificial Intelligence

The Risk with AI Is Machine-Simulated Stupidity

Jeremy E. Sherman Ph.D. on July 14, 2023

Stupid people interpret by feel alone. AI can't feel anything. Paradoxically, they can result in similar behavior.

Stupid people interpret by feel alone. AI can't feel anything. Paradoxically, they can result in similar behavior.

Anger

In Conflict, Pause and Ask Yourself the "Youmeus" Question

Jeremy E. Sherman Ph.D. on June 19, 2023

Don't fight in the throes of passion. Pause to ask yourself whether the problem is you, the other person, or fundamental incompatibility.

Don't fight in the throes of passion. Pause to ask yourself whether the problem is you, the other person, or fundamental incompatibility.

Career

Bridging the Gap Between Matter and Mattering

Jeremy E. Sherman Ph.D. on June 17, 2023

Until scientists can explain how selves like us emerge within nothing but chemistry, life and social scientists remain too much like alchemists.

Until scientists can explain how selves like us emerge within nothing but chemistry, life and social scientists remain too much like alchemists.