Why Social Distancing Actually Isn't New

Source: Kristin Meekhof

While social distancing is now recommended by the Centers for Disease Control as a method to help flatten the COVID-19 curve, we've actually been practicing a kind of social distancing at an emotional level for quite some time. We encouraged this distancing by elevating busyness as a valuable occupation. And we had an affectionate relationship with our phone but lacked authentic connections with people.

We cultivated emotional social distancing each time we chose a text over a phone call or wrote an email rather than giving someone a hug. We chose emotional social distancing each time we gave a platitude over deep listening to someone's pain or we chose to look at our phone instead of looking at the person sitting across from us. We chose emotional social distancing each time we declined a phone call over warmly greeting a person. We chose emotional social distancing each time we said, "We'll catch up another time," instead of, "I'm here now."

And when we did meet or speak with people, we were figuratively keeping people six feet away from our true thoughts, fears, and desires. We chose safe answers to the question, "How are you?" instead of saying what we found to be on our hearts. We chose to turn away from unpopular people in favor of engaging with a celebrity. We chose to invite people into our conversations based on what they could do for us instead of thinking about how we could be of service to them. We chose to pay for lifestyle makeovers or website updates instead of investing in friendships and well-being.

Unfortunately, we also chose a kind of emotional distancing from ourselves. For the sake of busyness, we protected our minds from thoughts of vulnerability, honesty, and disappointment. We disconnected from our own heart by thinking we could buy our way out of feeling hurt or insecure. When we felt unclear, instead of going deeper within to gain clarity about possible fears, we filled our next hour with entertainment. When we felt doubt in our own ability to handle a challenge, instead of looking at the anxiety, we filled our next moments with social media posts.

What is happening now is that many are for discovering what it is like not to be chasing a goal or setting up the next conference call. By staying busy we blocked silence and muted creativity and true presence. We are discovering that we were dependent on distraction, filling our day with texts, emails, meetings, and commuting.

As we begin to emerge from stay-at-home orders, it will be important to remember what is truly essential for our inner life. When we can appreciate these essentials, we will become more resilient.