Photo Analysis

Meet Heather and Simon, happily married for five-and-a-half years and livingon a farm in the Adirondacks. Marriage therapist and author Janice Levine, Ph.D., interviewed them about their relationship and expectations.

H: We get along great. We have the same goals and tastes. Both of us just want to live enjoyable, stress-free lives.

S: We have vague ideas of doing up our little farm--just puttering around, kind of like having a hobby farm. Relationship-wise I don't really see anything changing that much. Heather's my best friend. We have a lot of fun goofing around.

H: Until we decide whether to have a family or not, it's hard to say what our expectations are. It could go one way or the other. We're having such a good time I'm reluctant to give it up.

S: We go back and forth. Our main concern is that we're going to get old and that we're going to really regret not having children.

H: Hopefully when we get older we'll have the time and the health to travel. I hope down the road our lifestyle will be even more relaxed than it is now. It's a comfort just having your partner by your side. As the years go by, having these things to look back on is wonderful.

Analysis: Do Heather and Simon have what it takes to realize their expectations? Experts agree that two ingredients are necessary: love and skills. In the love department, the depth of their love is palpable. Heather and Simon are partners in every sense; one might even call them (dare I say) soulmates. Both describe resolving differences with the same spirit of loving sacrifice. Simon explains, "The most important thing is keeping Heather happy. Neither of us likes confrontation."

Are they at risk of being conflict-avoiders? Not really. When in conflict, these lovers have the skills to get right to what's most important: caring for their relationship. They discuss things openly and with respect, and apologize and repair hurt feelings when they're wrong. Whatever path their lives eventually take, these lucky people seem to have what it takes to realize their dreams--together.

Read More About It. Why Do Fools Fall in Love? Janice R. Levine and Howard J. Markman, Eds. (Jossey-Bass, 2001)

PHOTO (PHOTO (BLACK & WHITE): Simon (right) and Heather on their wedding day in Las Vegas five years ago; "We both feel that we found someone we feel comfortable with."