Ask Dr. E

Answers to your questions about exhibitionism,playground
aggression, oversleeping and more.

Dear Dr. E.,

My kids--a 10-year-old daughter and two sons, ages 8 and 5--have
walked into my room while I was naked numerous times. I haven't reacted,
and neither have they. When should a mother stop being naked in front of
her children? Should I start to cover up around them?

S.

Hollywood, Florida

Dear S.,

The answer has more to do with values than psychology. Although
anthropological studies suggest that nudity is not inherently harmful,
our society tends to make us feel ashamed of both showing our bodies and
seeing others naked. So however you decide to handle this issue with your
children, keep in mind that they will have to function in a society
that's fairly prudish.

Dear Dr. E.,

My 5-year-old stepson has begun acting aggressively toward other
children at school. His aggression has risen since his father and I
married and his mother had a new baby. How does a child learn to express
anger positively? And how can we teach him the consequences of his
actions?

J.

Piscataway, New Jersey

Dear Julie,

A child therapist might be able to help your stepson better
understand what's happening with his parents, which in turn might calm
him down. Young children can also be taught a variety of
stress-management techniques, such as simple breathing exercises, which
might also help. As for consequences, fighting produces some natural
ones--like getting hit by other kids on the playground--which are often
the most powerful teachers.

Dear Dr. E.,

My husband's personal problems in the last few months have finally
taken their toll on him. He sleeps for 14-hour stretches, even when he,
supposed to watch our baby. Is it possible that there is something
physically wrong with him? Could he just be lazy?

M.

Boston, Massachusetts

Dear M.,

Oversleeping is one of the classic signs of major depression. You
can do a quick online evaluation for depression at www.onhealth.com. Men
are often reluctant to face up to depression, so you may have to be
persistent to get your husband the help he needs.

Dear Dr E.,

My husband's family has a history of mental illness, and my
brother-in-law has recently been caught flashing people, even some family
members. How can I find out more about this odd behavior?

A.

New York, New York

Dear A.,

Your brother-in-law is showing signs of a sexual disorder called
exhibitionism. About a third of all people arrested for sex crimes are
arrested for this act. For some, it provides sexual arousal and is often
accompanied by masturbation. Every case is different, but, generally
speaking, men expose themselves (a) because they lack normal sexual
outlets, and (b) to get a reaction from the observer. To learn more,
visit http://mentalhelp.net/disorders/sx50.htm.

Dear Dr. E.,

I never fight with my boyfriend in person. I find it hard to
express my feelings when we're together, so I write all of my angry
thoughts in my diary and have him read it. Sometimes, we fight in a chat
room on the Internet. Is this healthy?

B.

Queens, New York

Dear B.,

Your strategy is healthy if it works, but the fact that you're
writing this letter suggests that it isn't working all that well. A
couples counselor or family therapist can help you improve your
conflict-resolution skills. For referrals and additional information, try
contacting the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy at
www.aamft.org or (202) 452-0109.

Please send your questions to psychtoday@juno.com, or call our
24-hour hotline: (877) PSYCH-TODAY. Questions may be aired on PT's
nationally syndicated radio program. PSYCHOLOGY TODAY reserves the right
to edit all submitted material.

To be referred to a therapist, contact:

The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy:
www.aamft.org

The American Psychological Association: www.apa.org or (800)
374-2721

The Association for Advancement of Behavior Therapy:
www.aabt.org

The National Association of Social Workers: (800) 638-8799

The National Board for Certified Counselors: (336) 547-0607

PHOTO (COLOR): Robert Epstein, Ph.D.