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- 4 ways humor can have a positive impact on therapy
Psychotherapy is rarely associated with joking, laughter, or humor. That's hardly a surprise, of course. It's not easy to open up about emotional pain, guilt, anger, despair, or other uncomfortable feelings. Sharing personal details about difficulties relating to marriage, work, grief, loneliness, parenting, or other life challenges is hardly synonymous with fun times .
It may seem odd then when I suggest that humor can play an important role in therapy. Yet even Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, recognized that humor can serve a purpose in exploring the depths of the psyche. He even wrote about it. In his 1905 book Jokes and Their Relation to the Unconscious, he stated that humor is an effective way to vent emotion and overcome inhibitions.
When used sensitively, humor can enrich psychotherapy in a number of ways:
1. The Power of Perspective
In his speech to Duke University graduates, Jerry Seinfeld said, "what I need to tell you as a comedian, do not lose your sense of humor. You can have no idea at this point in your life how much you are going to need it to get through....You got to laugh. That is the one thing at the end of your life you will not wish you did less of. Humor is the most powerful, most survival, essential quality you will ever have or need to navigate through the human experience....It’s your Stanley Cup water bottle on the brutal long hike of life."
It takes a sixth sense to know, when, as a therapist, it may be appropriate to add a bit of humor or irony into a session. Certainly it can alienate a patient who is sharing something deeply painful, tragic or traumatic. But I've found that there are times when humor can add a dose of much-needed perspective during a tense moment.
My patient Greg was 92. In his elder years, his life had drastically changed. Once he had been an on-the-go tennis-playing, Broadway, and opera enthusiast. Physical weakness and instability brought on by Parkinson's disease now made it difficult for him to walk. Much of his time was spent in his apartment with his aide. He spent weekends with his adult children, feeling resentful and guilty about his dependence on them.
One day Greg, walked into my office, hunched over his cane, looking irate. He launched into bitter complaints about his two daughters, each of whom cared for him on alternate weekends in their homes. The source of his rage: their tissue boxes. “What’s wrong with them?," he barked. "We never had tissues boxes like that in the house when they were growing up! I was even thinking I should order tissues for them!" When he paused, I said, “Greg, if this is the biggest complaint you have against your daughters, I think you’re doing pretty well!” I couldn't help but laugh, and, after a pause, I was happy to see Greg break into laughter as well. His frustration had gotten the better of him. He had been having trouble reaching into deep tissue boxes because of his trembling fingers. But even he could see that, in the broader picture,, he had it pretty good ! He had two doting daughters, each caring, cooking, and shopping for him on a frequent basis. All it took was a little laughter to prompt him back to reality. “I guess you’re right,” he chuckled sheepishly. Sure, tissues boxes were a tough challenge for him but, in the scheme of things, he admitted he had it pretty good. Humor had helped him regain his perspective.
2. Instilling Hope
In his book A Rumor of Angels: Modern Society and the Rediscovery of the Supernatural, sociologist Peter Berger talks about what he calls “signals of transcendence”—little flashes of light which seem to point to a transcendent reality. “By laughing at the imprisonment of the human spirit, humour implies that this imprisonment is not final but will be overcome, and by this implication provides yet another signal of transcendence, in the form of an intimation of redemption.” As long as we can laugh at something, all is not lost! In other words, as Berger points out, humor brings hope.
3. Creating Connection
As all good friends have discovered, sharing a laugh fosters an empathic connection, creates closeness, and promotes bonding. The relationship between therapist and patient is an essential ingredient for positive psychotherapeutic change. It's by sharing one's deepest feelings and thoughts and, yes, even a bit of humor, that this bond grows.
4. Humor and humanity
I learned about the importance of using humor in therapy from my own psychoanalysis. My analyst didn’t offer advice per se but how he handled issues that arose in treatment wasn’t just helpful to me; it is something I have put into use when I treat others. It takes time to hone the skill of sensing when humor is appropriate to interject in therapy. It’s not the same as telling a joke to a friend. It requires being deeply attuned to your patient and sensing when a humorous or ironic interjection will add just the right note to the therapeutic discourse.
As a clinician for four decades, I have witnessed many numinous moments in which a sense of closeness and deep humanity came from sharing something funny. A lighthearted comment can give a patient that bit of hope or ray of light they need at just that time. Laughing together is actually a sign of therapeutic improvement: People who are severely depressed generally don’t laugh (or even smile). As treatment progresses and depression recedes into the distance, it’s wonderful to see their sense of humor return. That first smile or chuckle is like the inner light breaking through. It's a welcome signpost on the road to recovery.
To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
