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Key points
- Memories are intertwined with emotions (pleasant or painful).
- Memories can compensate for painful emotions in the present, but they can also interfere with adaptive solutions.
- In psychotherapy the therapist needs to be sensitive to a patient's emotions and memories.
Shtisel is a fictional depiction of a Haredi Israeli family. There are complex family interactions, losses, as well as hopes for the future. The impact of memories of those who have died, positive and negative, are ever-present while the next generation expresses its conflicting desires—to conform to community standards or to allow expression of their individual longings, whether the choice of mate or freedom to express creative impulses.
In the penultimate scene of the third season, Shulem Shtisel, the patriarch of the family, sits with his youngest son, the artist Akiva, and Shulem’s ne’er-do-well brother, Nuchem. Both have their bags packed. Shulem insists that they sit and have a glass of soda. He wants to delay their departure to avoid the moment when he will be left alone.
Shulem says that those who have died never go away. They stay where they are. Suddenly, the living ghosts of all who have died are sitting around the table and milling around, smiling and interacting.
The lyrics to the main soundtrack include the following words:
“Where does everyone suddenly go?
Everything receded and disappeared.”
Yes, people may disappear, but their images remain in our memories. Good ones as well as painful ones.
Memories and their impact
Wherever our friends and relatives go, they remain in our memories. There are a variety of memories: semantic (of factual information) and episodic or narrative (stories about our experiences). Some memories are consciously experienced, while others continue to impact us even though we have no conscious awareness of them. In fact, the reliving of past experiences in our memories is affected by the intensity of the emotions connected to those people in our past.
The impact of memories is dramatized by Akiva’s dreams and thoughts and images in his paintings of his first wife. She died when their newborn child was only two months old. These intrusive memories have delayed Akiva’s ability to connect with his second wife. This artistic creation by the writers of the show can be read as a depiction of an attempt to master and reconcile the memory of the past with real interactions in the present.
Another dramatization illustrates the power of memories to compensate for present painful states. Shulem conjured up images of those who had departed in order to counteract the painful emotions as he was about to be left alone.
The first moments in therapy
From the first moments of a consultation session with a patient, the therapist has to be cognizant of a patient’s emotions, particularly the negative ones, and the impact of memories on their current life problems. By establishing an atmosphere with a tone of respect and acceptance, the therapist enables the patient to communicate what they think is emotionally important at their own pace, in words, in play with children, or in action.
References
Hoffman, L. (2020). How can I help you? Dimensional versus categorical distinctions in the assessment for child analysis and child psychotherapy. Journal of Infant, Child, and Adolescent Psychotherapy, 19(1), 1-15.
Shtisel (2021) Where does everyone suddenly go? Aired February 14. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt13774440/
Hoffman, L. (2016). Of Rats and Men: The Defensive Human Brain/Mind; Anxious: Using the Brain to Understand and Treat Fear and Anxiety By Joseph LeDoux. J Am Psychoanal Assoc June 2016 64: 627-643, doi:10.1177/0003065116654865.
