What Happens When Partners Withhold Affection or Emotion

Most couples know that the expression of love through affection is an important component of a relationship. But there are also times when that is difficult, usually after disappointment or disagreement. Most partners have been there, tempted to withdraw and pout after an argument. According to research, however, this is temptation partners are well-advised to resist. Because withholding emotion and affection can have relational consequences that far outlast the current conflict.

Emotional Suppression

Brett J. Peters and Jeremy P. Jamieson (2016) examined the consequences of suppressing affective displays within romantic partnerships.ⁱ They compared the effects of expressive suppression versus expression on cognitive, affective, physiological, and behavioral processes in emotion regulators and their partners.

They defined emotional suppression as inhibiting affective displays, which requires cognitive effort. They acknowledge prior research showing that within marriage, husbands who engaged in “stonewalling” (expressive suppression) created a lower degree of marital satisfaction for both partners. Expressing emotion, on the other hand, prompted support and increased intimacy. We might expect this because so much communication is nonverbal, and facial expressions and body language always add context to content.

Responding to Emotional Withdrawal

Peters and Jamieson learned that emotional suppressors and targets of emotional suppression showed a higher degree of malignant physiological responses, including increased vascular resistance and a higher level of cortisol reactivity, during an emotional conversation. Both groups also engaged in a decreased amount of intimacy behavior that was measured with a touch task.

They found that romantic couples in which one partner suppressed affective displays reported their partners as less responsive than emotionally expressive couples. They further found that partners who suppressed emotion showed fewer responsiveness behaviors, which are a significant core component of intimacy.

Expressions of Comfort Despite Conflict

The research appears to support a link between emotional expression and relational satisfaction. Some people are thankful for partners who wear their hearts on their sleeves because they always know how they feel for better or for worse. Transparency prompts dialog and discussion, and couples are able to address issues immediately and move on. Other people suffer needless anxiety as a result of emotional suppression, not knowing what to think, what to do, or sometimes not even knowing why a partner is upset.

Healthy discussion accompanied by an appropriate amount of emotional expressiveness will enhance the ability to maintain a relationship that will withstand conflict and grant both partners the comfort of knowing mutual love and respect will sustain relational quality and far outlive temporary disagreement.

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