War and Helplessness: 5 Ways to Feel Better Now

Source: DepositPhotos/VIA Institute

We watch news stories and YouTube videos about the Russian invasion and war in Ukraine and feel outraged. With outrage comes confusion, fear, and sadness. We feel empathy for the Ukrainian people as well as for innocent Russian people. We feel helpless. We just want it to be over. We want peace.

Most likely, none of us reading this (myself included) are international relations experts or individuals who can directly influence the stoppage of war. That is not something in our control. We need to focus on what we can control. We can take immediate action to help others (e.g., donation) and we can take the long-term approach of bringing more peace and stability in our own life (and thereby positively impact others). Both are types of action in our control. Taking action is a choice; inaction is also a choice.

Below I offer five strategies of action involving character strengths and/or peace. I intersperse these with the wisdom of my teacher, the late Thich Nhat Hanh, the monk renowned for his teachings on mindfulness and peace.

“It takes time to practice generosity, but being generous is the best use of our time.” —Thich Nhat Hanh

1. Contribute directly. A primary strategy is to determine — using your kindness and prudence (practical wisdom) — how might you contribute to or support Ukraine in some way. A Google search of “How can I help Ukraine” offers numerous opportunities in your country or region. Be wary of scams as you look for legitimate ways to provide support. Look for ways to help Ukraine as a foreigner such as this article which offers ideas for numerous countries, or find country-specific sources such as this one that is tailored to Americans.

“Go back and take care of yourself. Your body needs you, your feelings need you, your perceptions need you. Your suffering needs you to acknowledge it.” —Thich Nhat Hanh

2. Give space for your emotions. The anger and fear you feel about the war is a normal response. A human response. You can honor your humanity with your emotional intelligence by first, naming how you feel, and second, breathing in and out with your feelings. Don’t shy away from your suffering or the suffering of others. You might decide to share your feelings with people you trust.

“If we want peace, we have to be peace. Peace is a practice not a hope.” —Thich Nhat Hanh

3. Create your practice of inner peace: What is your practice of peace? Use your strength of perspective to consider what you do in your life right now that brings you calm or a sense of balance. How might you take action to build your inner peace? If you are filled with war on the inside, you cannot expect to be able to handle war on the outside. When there is greater peace on the inside, you have a more clear perspective of yourself, your relationships, and the world.

4. Practice peace-spotting in others. It is not just the level of inner peace where we have some control, we can also create more peace in our relationships. We can give our relationships a boost of peace. You can apply the well-known, evidence-based practice of strengths-spotting and turn it into “peace-spotting.” You can SEA peace with three steps:

• Spot: Catch someone expressing peace.
• Explain: Describe how you saw their peace — was it in their actions, their demeanor, or their words?
• Appreciate: Express how you value their peace and point out the character strengths you saw them using.

"Each moment is a chance for us to make peace with the world, to make peace possible for the world, to make happiness possible for the world.” —Thich Nhat Hanh

5. Build peace in one of your groups.

• Make a list of the groups you are part of — any group of three or more people. Consider your neighborhood, work teams, classroom teams, and groups relating to sport, politics, religion, leisure, and other social groups.
• Next, be curious: How might I bring forth more peace or harmony in the interactions?