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Can you believe that the holiday season is upon us already?
One of the biggest complaints my sex therapy clients have at this time of the year is that it’s impossible to maintain any semblance of a regular sex life. Between all the stress, traveling, overindulgent eating and drinking, family dynamics, and financial concerns, it’s hard to find the energy—much less the desire—to have sex. The idea of going almost two full months without intimacy is a tough pill to swallow for most couples, so I’m here to share my favorite tips for preserving your sex life during the season:
Create your own traditions.
If you’re relatively newly-married, this is a good opportunity to be mindful about what you want to get out of the holidays. You don’t have to go along with tradition; make your own decisions. How much time do you want to spend with family? How do you really want to celebrate New Year’s Eve? Brainstorm a special new ritual that the two of you can start celebrating every year. Perhaps you love decorating the house together. Or maybe you could go away on a romantic vacation the weekend before Thanksgiving, or take an extra day off work to recover after New Year’s.
Prioritize alone time.
Make an active effort to spend quality time together during the season. If you know you have a lot of travel and family time ahead of you, try to focus on being together as much as possible now. Just say no to the holiday parties that don’t really interest you. Sit down with your schedules, and build some date nights into the calendar.
Be sneaky.
Finding quality time can be tricky during the holidays if you’re traveling or have guests, but you can be creative about getting your partner alone. Turn in before you’re actually tired, and make time to talk about your days. Arrange for side trips away from your family, or send guests off on special outings without you. Steal kisses when no one is looking. Create a code word or gesture that means “meet me in the bedroom.” Sneak out of your parents’ house to make out behind the shed. There can even be an illicit thrill to having sex in your childhood bed, especially if you have to be careful to stay quiet or keep from falling off.
Put sex first.
Make time to be intimate before going out to company holiday parties or celebratory dinners. Many people get too full (or intoxicated) to be excited about sex after big events, so it’s a good idea to do it before. Plus, it will be so much more fun to go to holiday functions with this sexy secret between the two of you.
Treat yourselves.
Agree that your holiday gifts to each other will involve quality time or intimacy: Book yourselves a couple's massage. Splurge on dinner at a fancy restaurant. Buy lingerie, nice sheets, or even high-quality sex toys.
Communicate.
The holidays are really stressful for most people, so it’s important to keep communicating. Remember: You’re a team. Talk about your expectations for the season. Brainstorm ways to decrease stress together. Agree on a time to have a weekly (or even daily) check-in about how things are going.
Don’t ignore sexual tension. Revel in it.
If you find yourself frustrated during the holidays, see if you can actually enjoy the tension. Think about how exciting it will be once the guests are gone, or you’re back home, and you have your partner all to yourself again. Send each other sexy texts or emails, describing what you want to do with each other when you get a second alone.
Happy holidays, everyone!
