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In the work I do in my coaching and consulting business, in teaching my graduate classes, and in having a full life with family and friends, the refrain I hear over and over again is that there is never enough time to do the things you want to do. I have known many people who have received a difficult, life-altering diagnosis, or one for a close friend or family member, and then they are able to find the time to focus on treatments or try to get well or end-of-life plans.
Why can time be made when a crisis hits, but not on regular days?
Things are busy. There is work, after-school, travel, family, and all sorts of planning commitments. Some people volunteer and spend time giving back. Others go to school, in addition to work and family. Many people start their days feeling as though they are behind before the day even begins. It seems that time is in short supply and can be the enemy. If only there were more hours in the day!
And yet, when someone important passes away, you make time to get to a wake and funeral. When someone is sick or dying, you make time to go for a visit. When you get a diagnosis that involves focusing on your health, you spend time doing what you need to. It often takes something terrible to happen to make you face it.
What if this year, for the holidays, instead of spending the time necessary to shop online or go to stores or wrap presents or decorate in whatever way you might like to, you used that time for yourself or someone you care about? “It’s the holiday season” becomes a refrain that covers everything to explain why you have no time for anyone. Think about the irony of this for a moment; you run around doing everything for everyone, which leaves no time for anything else.
There is no greater gift than that of time.
When your children get older, or your parents aren’t able to get out as they used to, or your siblings or friends talk about experiences with you, they aren’t going to focus on the perfect present you gave them; they are going to focus on an experience. Remember the time we went here or there, remember we enjoyed that outing or couldn’t stop laughing about this experience? These are the things we carry with us. It doesn’t have to be an expensive event or outing; it can be the most simple thing—taking a walk together, having a cup of tea, or going to a movie.
This year, make a list of all of the people who matter to you—family, friends, former co-workers, current co-workers, neighbors, people you would like to know better. Order them, from who matters most to least. Go through the list and write down what sort of experience might be interesting for them. If your father can’t walk, or your mother is in a nursing home, don’t plan a walk through the woods—but do plan a few minutes when you could bring a DVD or a cup of coffee. If your financial situation doesn’t allow for a dinner out, take your child to a free event in your town or city.
Be creative and avoid getting stuck on the obstacles, like worrying about the best outing you could have, or how much money you need to spend, or whether the person will say “no” when you ask them. You can make it work if you put a bit of thought and effort into it. Make time for yourself, too. This is an overused phrase, but it really matters! Sometimes just stepping away from the work of the day, or going outside to breathe in the fresh air, or mindlessly walking through the aisles of a store when you don’t need to buy anything, or reading a trashy novel, or looking at old pictures remembering a fun trip is enough. It needn’t be something that has to get planned and programmed; it can be small amounts of time doing something that is meaningful and uplifting for you.
This holiday season, put your focus on the most intangible yet often least-recognized gift you can give. Make it about time.
If you need inspiration, try listening to one of the many songs that have time as a central theme.
