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Motivation
Making Behavior Change Lasting and Real
Shifting behavior takes dedication and commitment.
Posted October 12, 2021 Reviewed by Abigail Fagan
Key points
- People often encounter obstacles that prevent them from accomplishing their goals.
- Changing behavior requires multiple steps, including specifying desired outcomes, categorizing obstacles, and identifying the human factor.
- Breaking large goals into small, discrete tasks is critical to taking action.
Losing weight. Getting in shape. Getting up earlier in the morning. Improving a golf game. Changing jobs. Being a better parent, spouse or friend. Finding time for hobbies or interests. Going somewhere you have talked about for a long time. The list of things you want to do, plan to do and intend to do can be endless. What’s not endless, oftentimes, is the list of accomplishments. That satisfying feeling when you put a check on the list saying “this one is done.” Having dreams, goals and hopes is common – accomplishing them, for many people, is less so.
Some people are able to set a goal, move toward it and make the change happen. Others ruminate over what they want to do, and how they are unable to do it. The difference is often in two key areas: mindset and approach. Having the right mindset while you plan and take the steps often keeps you focused and on track, but having a clear process and approach gives you the roadmap to get to where you want to go.
Mindset isn’t always a can-do attitude. It can be having the courage to keep putting one foot in front of the other. It can be an inner confidence that despite the circumstances, you are willing to keep going forward. Mindset often shifts with small successes along the way, so let’s focus on the second aspect: having a clear approach to making change happen.
The process to SHIFT your behavior takes five steps. Implementing each of these as a process will help you move more confidently toward your end outcome, and help you to make the progress you need to gain confidence and comfort that you can do this.
1. Specify clearly your desired outcome. It’s more common for someone to look at what they don’t want; what they want to get away from. “I hate being so lethargic and having no energy.” “I hate this job and need to find another.” “My spouse is often a jerk, so why should I be nice to him/her?” When the mind is focused on what it doesn’t want, it is actually attracted to what it doesn’t want. Every time you say you don’t want something, the mind grabs hold of it even more firmly.
This is why taking the time to set a clear outcome of what you do want is critical. Whether it be writing it down or drawing a picture, you need to clarify what success will look like for you. If you can include both quantitative (i.e., measurable) and qualitative (i.e., feeling/emotion) goals, the image will be stronger. Get clear on your future desired place. If you want to lose weight, hang a pair of jeans in the size you want to be where you can see them. If you want to be a better parent, “see” your child responding to you positively even before it happens. “Be” in your mind where you want to end up.
2. Highlight the obstacles and then categorize them. Life is hard. Finances, job responsibilities, school demands, family dynamics, health issues and more make doing anything new and different a challenge for most people. Positive thinking tells you to ignore what’s wrong and move past it, but it isn’t that easy when the obstacles are real.
Take the time to make a list of everything that gets in your way on the path to your behavior change. Write it all down and then categorize the obstacles – what can you control, what can you influence, and what’s completely out of your control? Focus only on the obstacles that are controllable or you can influence. Refuse to give mindshare to obstacles you cannot do anything about. This helps with your planning and organizing the steps you need to take.
3. Identify the human factor. Who are the stakeholders in your life? A stakeholder is anyone who has an interest in what you are doing, or can offer power to help you complete a task. If your goal includes money, is there someone who could loan it to you? If your goal is about improving relationships, is there someone with experience who could mentor or support you? If your goal is starting a business, is there someone with experience who has done this? If you need moral support, is there someone who can be a shoulder and cheerleader for you? If you aren’t organized, is there someone with organizational skills who can help you? Look around and see who is in your universe to be supportive in some way.
If you are alone and lonely, find resources and tools online. There are often support groups for free where you can post and learn from others. Expand your network so you can leverage the help that is available all around you.
4. Find alternatives. Oftentimes when a goal seems elusive, you might engage in one-way thinking. This means believing that there is only one direction, one set of outcomes and one option to get to your end goal. Taking the time to specify your outcome, identify and organize your obstacles, and find your supporter stakeholders can open your mind in a different way to the choices you may not have considered. Let your mind wander into “what if?” territory for a bit and brainstorm the ways you could get to the change you want to make. If you have someone you trust who will be supportive, you can do this with a partner or friend. Don’t pre-judge or assume something is a bad idea; let all ideas germinate and apply the pros and cons to each one. Consider what matters most to you, and your personal criteria, and then choose the option that best fits your circumstances.
5. Take disciplined action. This is your step-by-step plan. Most change doesn’t happen, because there is no clear roadmap to get to the change. Simply wanting to lose weight, or change jobs, or be a better parent, isn’t going to help you get there. You need a “what, who, when, how and how much” list of steps. Then, most importantly, you need to chunk those steps into small discrete tasks that are doable and easy to accomplish. If you want to write a book, don’t put a to-do of writing a book on your list. Put each and every step you will need to take starting with “Organize the contents” or “Do research” or “Establish a title.” Each task should be broken down into its smallest denominator so that it is reasonable and actionable. If you do this, you will make progress incrementally until you see the greater goal coming into focus.
Shifting behavior takes dedication and commitment. Following the SHIFT process is a reliable way to get to where you want to go. This process is based on my book, Make Your SHIFT: The Five Most Powerful Moves You Can Make to Get to Where You Want to Go.
