Verified by 
If you haven’t been impacted by the effects of COVID-19 on the world, you are very lucky. Most of us living in the United States are under “stay-at-home” orders and self-quarantining in the hopes that will allow our medical professionals to do their jobs effectively and not add to the already overburdened system.
Big holidays are occurring here—Passover beginning April 8th and ending April 16th, and Easter occurring on Sunday, April 12th, with Good Friday on Friday the 10th. Normally, for many families, these would be times to gather together and perhaps worship, or break bread, or commemorate history. This year, many families will be missing one another. Many families have suffered a loss in the form of death and cannot even be by their family member’s deathbed or gravesite to say their final “goodbyes.”
During this time, my teenage daughter has had many questions. Some of them are personal:
- Will I get to see Grammy and Grampy again? What if they get sick during this? Can we help them?
- Should I give up some of my favorite foods, so people who are in need have access to them at the grocery store?
- Can we do something to support our friends and neighbors who might be in need?
- What if this doesn’t go away? What if we don’t get back to normal? Will I ever get to have a life, to grow up and have a family and house like you do?
Some of her questions are more global:
- Why didn’t our government worry about this and do something to protect us?
- Why are animals being thrown out of people’s homes instead of being loved during this time?
- Why would someone be mean to someone else when everyone is trying to figure out how to survive?
- Why don’t more people understand how hard it is on immigrants and people who live in poorer areas to survive, and why don’t we do more to help them?
These are real questions I hear many days. The problem is that as a parent, I don’t have many answers for her. I don’t want to give her false platitudes like the ones we have heard from our leaders, I don’t want to scare her by saying things could be even more devastating than they are so far, and I don’t want to be short with her and tell her that her questions hit me deeply because everything that is happening right now hits me deeply.
I’ll share here what I have told her and hope that you might be able to use these ideas for yourself or your own children during these difficult times:
1. I don’t know when we will see our loved ones again, but let’s use this time to realize how very important they are to us and how much we value being able to see them. Let’s commit, as a family, that when we are able to be with them again, we will prioritize spending time with them. If we have commitments elsewhere, we will recognize they are also a commitment that deserves our time and attention.
2. When we can be together as a family, we will be joyous together. The little things that might bug us about one another should be thrown away. If we have a family with any positive aspects, we will be happy to see them and rejoice in their very being.
3. If you are among the people who don’t like their family and don’t find joy with them, now is the time to realize you can cut the relationship off. It shouldn’t take a pandemic to be clear about your boundaries, but if you are unsafe or emotionally abused or somehow brought down by “family”—once you are able to see people again, you can create a new family for yourself.
4. Yes, if you are one of the lucky people who have more than you need, it’s time to realize this and find others you can support. If you don’t have such means, a card or a phone call to provide support during times of trouble (or any time) is helpful. If you can provide support, help your local food bank, don’t hoard absolutely anything, and take only what you need—leave the rest for others who may need it much more than you do.
5. Things might not get back to “normal,” and it’s important for us to review whether they really should. A culture of running around, finding ways to divide rather than come together in solidarity, never enough time to do what’s right, but time to be angry or spiteful—none of these should be our “normal.” Life will hopefully go on, but perhaps there is a chance here for several generations to realize that it hasn’t been very good for a long time, and we have a chance to fix that. If every single person decided to do one thing to make a difference, the entire world would shift as a result.
On the larger, more global questions—I truly don’t have answers. I wish I did, so I could give my daughter comfort that the leaders care about humanity, but I don’t see much that gives me this comfort. So for these questions, I told her:
1. When you are old enough to vote—do it. Everyone should take the chance to make their voice heard, even if they don’t feel their little voice is worthwhile. Every voice matters. And instead of voting a “party,” vote based on education, on conscience, and on knowledge. Take the time to learn what a political person is made of and what they value.
2. Be kind. In all circumstances—be kind. To elders, to animals, to neighbors, to retail workers, to teachers, postal providers, friends, family members, transportation professionals, government workers, and on and on and on. Yes, the list is long. Every human and animal is created with a heart, a mind, and a soul. Have your difference of opinion, have your interests, and fight hard for what you care about, but don’t engage in the name-calling, anger-mongering, fear-inducing, hateful rhetoric that is so easy to fall into. Everyone is trying, and some people do better than others. Give them a break.
3. Work to understand what’s really going on. Difficulty in isolation? Imagine the fear of an immigrant family stuck in a tent fleeing persecution. Imagine the boredom of a zoo animal held in captivity and tortured. Imagine those who have little, hunkering down in a one-room apartment with their entire family. Imagine being in a homeless shelter and hoping your children can somehow access the remote learning to keep up. I’m sure I’ve missed many groups who are regularly overlooked, so investigate on your own—but use your own mind and heart to understand there are many people hurting every single day. The more people who understand this and even care, the higher the chance we will come out of this stronger, together.
As for my daughter, she has been raised to care and to investigate and to eschew alignment with a political or religious party and to think for herself. She will go on to do great things, but what a burden we have placed on her shoulders to ask these questions now.
