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Summer vacation fun is over for many students. Baseball, swimming, tennis, summer camps and barbecues are not a daily or weekly event anymore. Travel to special places like national parks, museums, movies, amusement parks, or interesting cities and beach towns have been well enjoyed and appreciated. Students got a chance to relax and get a well needed rest, and now they are going back to school. And they are excited to see their friends and teachers and to learn new ideas.
Parents may feel freedom from continually creating entertaining adventures to keep the summer fun and busy. Predictably, though, some kids may be sad that they have to get out of bed at a specific and early hour, listen to teachers, and do their homework. Leaving their phone at home may be torture. Sports and music and video games will have to be limited. Time itself may seem too short, although when sitting in the classroom, the minutes may drag on and on.
Facing and Defusing Your Child's Resistance
Many parents have children who can't wait to get back to their old routine. Other parents will have to face the resistance their children and teens feel about going back to school. As is normal, some kids will figure out ways or strategies to avoid school. In some families there will be drama over getting ready for school, doing homework, and following school and home rules.
Your child may suggest home schooling as an option. But elective home education (EHE) has serious limitations in regard to socialization. Decisions about home schooling should receive input by teachers, tutors, and other specialists at school. Children with special needs may get very good help from home schooling.
Going back to school could possibly cause disagreement or misunderstandings between parent and child. Some kids can't seem to get out of bed on time or find their clothes. They don't want to, and often won't, do their homework and school reports. As I reflect on my 40 years of experience with children and parents, I feel confident about making the following suggestions.
Advice for Weary Parents
1. Limit your children’s screen time before school starts. Screen use can become a compulsion for youngsters and adolescents who need to be doing their homework, playing with friends, or engaged in creative activities such as art, music, or dramatics. Sporting activities cannot be replaced by computer games. Your child may resist and protest in anger and frustration your attempts to put the screens to sleep. You have to win this argument. You can limit your own phone use in solidarity. Go phoneless.
2. Make a household rule that homework is to be done first. Make clear that how and when homework is completed is your decision and not a negotiable issue. Do not let your child’s responsibilities become a battleground between parent and child. Don't forget you are the rule maker and boss.
3. Don’t over-schedule your child with outside of school activities. Too much to do is just too much pressure for everyone; nothing good will come of this high pressure strategy.
4. Find a special time to talk with your child every day about school, friends, and special interests that your child loves to explore. Develop a narrative with your child where you tell them what happened in last week’s conversation. This will give your child a sense that what they are thinking and doing is important to you.
5. Protect your child from family disharmony as much as possible. Children and teenagers worry about their parents’ problems with health, money, and work.
6. If your child needs help with social, educational, or emotional challenges, make an effort to find the appropriate support.
7. Keep up with special friends and special classes.
Conclusions for Parents
You can get your kids on track if you strongly attempt to not waiver or give in. Try to understand why they don't want to go back to school. Is their problem the teacher, other children, boring school work, not enough fun activities, or too much homework? Empathize with them, which means: Affirm and take their feelings seriously. Give them strategies if you can. Help them with what they need help with.
Maybe your student needs a tutor in a certain subject. Perhaps certain children are teasing or bullying them. You can and should talk with the teacher and your child about what can be done to make any of those problems less abusive. Seek out help from others. Maybe other parents have ideas that will give you insight on how to solve a problem, whether social or academic. Giving into the child’s resistance does not help; it just makes the problem worse. Seek more details and think about solutions.
Remember that not wanting to go back to school probably happens every year. Think to yourself, “What helped me get through this back to school resistance last year?” The freedom of summertime and lack of expectations from teachers and parents reduces stress and pressure. Inevitably, stress and pressure to achieve and fit in socially will rear its head. Try to be positive and helpful. Avoid criticism. Just try to help your children through their self-doubt and struggle to achieve.
What Else You Can Do
1. Get help from experts in resistance to school pressure.
2. Find tutors for academic problems.
3. Seek out social groups if your son or daughter is struggling to make friends.
4. Be positive and talk to your son or daughter about how they are doing.
5. Keep in mind that criticism does not accomplish anything.
To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
