Verified by 
All gifted children and teenagers are special, and naturally they will have specific needs. Fortunately, gifted children and teenagers are the subject of many parenting books. There is a great deal of information on how to raise gifted children, which requires special knowledge and understanding that may not be found in generally focused parenting books.
I have often thought that gifted children could and should be categorized as having special needs because of their passion for enrichment, social-emotional support, and sensitivity to life in general. Make sure that you understand what makes your child different from other children with whom they connect, and then attend to their curiosity. Your frustration will diminish when you have a good-enough and ever-changing recipe for raising your gifted child.
Social-Emotional Intensity Is a Force to Contend With
Gifted children can be as sensitive as they are smart. Their feelings can be intense and mirror their intellectual development. A child with an IQ in the 98th percentile of measures such as the Wechsler Intelligence Scale for Children (WISC-V) or the Stanford-Binet Intelligence Scale will often be very sensitive to other children and adults. Deep-seated curiosity, separation anxiety from their family, defiant behavior, compassion for victims or underprivileged people, a sense of entitlement, and perfectionism are characteristics of the gifted personality.
Intensity creates dominating feelings. And when these feelings of curiosity, anxiety, defiance, compassion, and perfectionism occur simultaneously or within a short period of time, they are difficult to handle for even the most educated and serious parents. Parents call and ask me, "What am I doing wrong?" My answer is, "You are doing nothing wrong. Gifted kids are very hard to raise."
Teachers are often baffled by the social-emotional idiosyncrasies of the talented and demonstrative child. Teachers see their parents as pushy and unrealistic. Getting attention for your gifted child's special needs can be quite difficult. Truly, it is just hard to accomplish. In addition, our culture most of the time refuses to acknowledge giftedness as a real concern with a true need for extra help with enrichment and social skills.
Teachers and Administrators May Say All Children Are Gifted, Which Is Untrue
The widely spread belief that all children are gifted is harmful to gifted children’s education. This notion among educators, who lightheartedly share it with parents, may be a way of covering up some teachers’ inadequacies dealing with gifted children and their parents. In other words, parents are led to believe that their son or daughter is a little "strange" and "overly sensitive" to the world around them, rather than gifted.
The truth is that not all children are gifted. Children who score in the 98th percentile are considered gifted, and can be very intense and difficult to connect with when they are upset. I have written about the characteristics of gifted kids on this page and in my books Raising Gifted Kids and Challenges of Gifted Children. Gifted children can be very creative or very athletic, not solely academically gifted (the sometimes forgotten traits of gifted children).
Know Your Child's Strengths and What They Struggle With
It is so important to encourage your son or daughter's special interests, whatever they may be. But you cannot ignore their challenges. Because of the quickness of how these children learn, “learning how to learn” can be a mystery to them. They may give up on an academic or creative activity that they cannot conquer easily or quickly. For example, your child may read at a level that is five years above his actual grade but be unable to tackle first-grade math or learn to draw. When frustrated, giving up is a likely outcome.
Social Development Can Be a Challenge
Gifted children prefer to hang out with other gifted children who understand them. Being with like-minded peers is not always possible, thought, and may not actually be that helpful in the long run, because gifted children feel like misfits. Time with others who are very quick is important. Learning that others do not learn as fast as your daughter or son is always an important lesson as it teaches compassion, empathy, and identity uniqueness.
Social shyness and awkwardness in new situations are common with gifted children. Parents need to handle their children's difficulty in new social situations by setting up interactions that will not be threatening and by offering and giving help when it's needed.
Finding Ways to Develop Interests and Friendships
My experiences with gifted children strongly indicate that the parental role needs to be encouraging both in the high and problematic parts of their development. Families that I have worked with, and my own children, were always so much more successful when they were in the right environment that took into account what was fascinating for them and what was difficult. It often seems like there is no in-between for them—and their inability to just go with the flow and not throw temper tantrums makes it even harder on parents. What I am saying is, don't give up trying to find the “right” friends, academics, and creative activities for your child. Don't be shocked by their unrelenting need to get their own way. For example, gifted child Dee wants a pair of trendy jeans like all the 7-year-olds at her school. Mom says, "No, they are too expensive and you outgrow your jeans so fast.” Dee won't give up. She goes online to sell her old clothes and when her retail idea fails she writes to her grandparents, aunts, and uncles for financial support, with no success. Then Dee tries to borrow money from her friends.
Dee's parents are at their wit’s end with her need to get what she wants. Being able to understand that she is (probably) not going to get her way requires maturity that is lacking for now. Wishing that your child would listen better does not help. Thinking that you can eliminate your child's intensity is a waste of time.
Conclusions
Parents who understand the special needs of gifted children can have success managing their emotional intensity and their asynchronous learning style.
Do not listen to other parents, teachers, and friends who label your gifted child “spoiled" or "out of control.” Giftedness naturally creates emotional intensity. The more highly gifted child is often more emotionally intense.
Some Final Advice
- To the best of your ability, find the right school for your child's asynchronous learning.
- Get along with the classroom teacher and others who are with your child during their time away from home.
- Deal with your perfectionism and your child's perfectionism by discussing difficult situations.
- Help find friends and special interests for your child and keep these friends and interests stable as your child grows and matures.
- Find other parents with families who have similar issues to your own.
- Maintain your authority as the final decision-maker.
