The Truth About Teenagers That Most Adults Get Wrong

OMG... You are so annoying!

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Alarming statistics about youth mental health have been in the headlines recently, and parents are anxious.

“How can I help her if she won’t talk to me! ” a frustrated parent exclaimed in therapy.

Meanwhile, her daughter privately lamented that she wished her mom was interested in what she had to say: “My mom shuts me down. She goes on and on (teen translation: lecture), assumes things, and tells me what's really obvious (teen translation: insulting)."

Parents and teens alike feel rejected and misunderstood by each other. Friction in parent-teen relationships is expected, and even adaptive, to make developmentally necessary separation easier. However, struggles and disconnections between parents and teens are often created or intensified when parents misinterpret their child's behavior and misguided approaches.

Put your understanding of adolescents to the test with this quiz that challenges common assumptions about the teenage brain and mindset.

1. Which of the following statements is false?

The adolescent brain inspires teens to:

A. seek out the good in life

B. feel passionate

C. process information rapidly

D. assess risk as well as adults when not amped up

E. be immune to their parents’ influence

The adolescent brain has enviable features that give teens the unique potential for optimism, vitality, innovation, and positive change.

Negative beliefs and assumptions about teenagers can be tempting and validating when parents feel helpless, rejected, or blamed by their teenagers.

Teenagers want (and need) their parents' respect, support and guidance. The challenge is how and when to engage teens effectively, as well as tolerate when they need to pull away. This means resisting the urge to retaliate by withholding love or warmth, in the guise of giving them space. The teenage brain is particularly tuned in to the emotional climate of relationship with parents and is especially sensitive to maternal criticism and — on a positive note — maternal warmth as well (Morris et al., 2017; Silvers, J.A. (2021).

Answer: E

2. True or False?

Adolescents feel more intense temptation and cravings for excitement than other age groups so it's harder for them to say no to alluring things.

The active, easily stimulated reward centers in the adolescent brain make teenagers feel more intense cravings and rushes than other age groups, creating overwhelming pressure to act on temptation in emotionally charged situations.

When things feel good, they feel better during adolescence than at any other time in life. This biochemistry is adaptive in that it pushes adolescents out of the comfort of the nest — driving them to seek out new experiences and learn the coping skills they will need as adults (Bulow, P., 2022).

Answer: True

3. Adolescents are vulnerable to acting on their impulses when:

A. with peers or anticipating being with peers

B. observed by peers (e.g. social media)

C. revved up

D. all of the above

E. always

Under highly charged conditions, the reward circuits in the adolescent brain light up, and the pressure to act on temptation can be overwhelming. At these times, information processing is slowed, and impulse control deactivated. In neutral contexts, teenagers' self-control is the same as adults.

Therefore, it’s important to consider the context teens will be in when giving freedoms. Warning teenagers is ineffective without providing practical tools that leverage what matters to them (and limits). Because anticipating being with peers, and being with peers, changes brain chemistry and disables executive functions, teens are more at risk in these situations.

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Research also suggests that certain risky decisions that may win teens popularity may be perceived as worth it and, therefore, a rational choice (Cesar, 2018) Though peers can negatively impact other teens, leading them to take similar risks, by the same token, teens who make good decisions can be a powerful source of positive influence (Fryt. J, 2021).

Answer: D

4. A car metaphor used to describe the adolescent brain compares it to:

A. a revved up engine careening out of control

B. a car without the headlights on

C. a powerful gas pedal and weak brakes

Features of the adolescent brain — especially the combined effect of intensified cravings, attraction to risk and sensation-seeking, and an underdeveloped capacity for restraint — place teens at greater risk for unintended accidents and injury than other age groups.

Answer: C

5. Which of these statements is true?

A. Adolescents are highly receptive to learning and interesting challenges.

B. Adolescents are too self-absorbed to be able to care about learning.

C. Adolescents have the same ability to learn as people of other ages.

The teenage brain grants teens the unique opportunity to practice and imprint the values and skills they need later in life. Similar to the developmental phase from birth to age five, adolescence is a critical period of brain development. Though new skills can be learned at any age, they can be learned permanently and with less effort during critical periods.

Accordingly, in adolescence, the structures of the brain become specialized and develop in a “use it or lose it” manner — hard-wiring new skills and templates.

Answer: A

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6. Studies have found that adolescents are more likely to have addictions and other problems in adulthood if they use addictive substances, including alcohol, at 15 than if they wait until 21 because:

A. Using substances during the teen years can have a permanent effect on the reward system of the developing brain.

B. Using substances can affect college applications.

C. By age 21 kids have more common sense.

D. All of the above

The structure and biochemistry of the adolescent brain are highly sensitive to and molded by what teens are exposed to. Repeated exposure to substances shape the reward pathways of developing brain, setting teens up to be vulnerable to later addiction (Walter, R., 2018).

Further, because of their brain chemistry adolescents are more sensitive to the positive effects of alcohol, such as easing social situations — and less prone to the negative effects, such as lack of motor coordination, sedation, and hangover — until greater quantities are consumed (Spear, L.P. and Varlinskaya, E.I., 2005). These differences in how teens metabolize alcohol make them even more vulnerable to excessive drinking.

Answer: A

Teens are more receptive to adults when approached with humility, respectful curiosity, and open-mindedness, creating space for their perspective and leveraging what matters to them.

Parents may feel rejected or peripheral but deeply influence their teenagers, knowingly or not, through their own emotional state and view of them.

We can be intentional with the power we have over our youth, recognizing and cultivating their strengths, while providing scaffolding for their vulnerabilities.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of this series to uncover the truth about what teenagers really need in order to launch and be successful in life.

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