The Beauty of Exposing Yourself to Rejection

Source: Image by Ulrike Leone from Pixabay

It’s not coincidental that the sound of the word can even make you cringe. We fear it; We resent it and to a certain extent, we associate it with our self-worth. This is because our opinions, our ideas, and creativity are an extension of ourselves but we rarely realize that these things do not define us, they are not us but merely a representation of who we are at a given time. So when you get a "No" or are dismissed as "Not qualified," it injures your pride. Some might even question “What beauty is there in rejection? It is nothing, but a stake driven through the heart of your confidence.” Rejection only has as much power as how you perceive.

Being a blogger and an aspiring writer, I live and breathe rejection. Anyone in a creative profession can tell you this, creating is subjecting yourself to rejection. When I started out blogging, I often had to pitch ideas to publications and other prominent blogs because it is a requirement to grow my brand and get my work out there. A bad profession for someone sensitive to rejection and criticism I should admit. Waking up to emails that read, “Thank you Sarah-Len for pitching to us, but we are afraid we might have to pass this time” was a difficult experience for me. It was often followed by long periods of not pitching, which was only stifling my growth and potential as a writer.

I would beat myself up and spend hours trying to figure out what was wrong with my ideas and creating long lists of why they may have concluded that I was not the best fit. Sometimes I would even think the path I had chosen was not meant for me, I was not good enough. Those periods would be followed by diverting my route, trying out other things which did not work out and that was the final blow to my sense of self-worth because all that rejection translated to, “NOT GOOD ENOUGH”

Why Does Rejection Hurt?

We express our thoughts and feelings through words and actions. Our words and actions represent that which we think and feel we are at a certain time. When you confess love to a girl or a boy, you are extending a part of yourself which you value to the other person and because you value it; You expect it to be treated as such. So when that love is turned down, you question the value of that love you have to give. If it was valuable and special as you perceived it to be, why would someone turn it down right? This is when experiencing rejection becomes more egotistical rather than logical. The ego initially assisted with survival and it is necessary, however, as we have involved as human beings, the ego became more a tool for self-centeredness rather than a tool for survival. In other words, rejection is a threat to your self-concept, and it only shines the light on how we have become selfish. We expect everyone to just accept what we want, what we feel and what we think, which is not realistic. As the saying goes, another man’s meat is another man’s poison. This emphasizes that rejection has nothing to do with you but everything to do with the other person's preferences or their set of standards and ideologies. Rejection only hurts because of our failure to realize and accept that reality.

How to Embrace Rejection

Rejection is a critical part of growth just as much as criticism. Through rejection, we understand where we are and where we want to be. For instance, as a writer, I aspire to write pieces that resonate with my audience and inspire them, but I cannot achieve this until I let myself be criticized and interact with as many people as I can to understand the standard of work I am required to create to resonate with people with different ideologies from mine. In my case, this means every pitch I make has to apply to an audience otherwise it is of no use to that group of people. It’s okay to ask after rejection why you have been rejected, It will help you better understand what the other person is looking for and it will help you understand if you are prepared to adjust yourself to suit their requirements or if you should just take your ideas to the people who resonate with them.

Rejection helps you realize what you could be doing wrong, or it is meant to redirect you to where you are supposed to be and the people you should interact with. From time to time it will sting, especially if the rejection is coming from loved ones. However, it is vital to understand that rejection is not a sign of your self-worth but a sign of things that need to be addressed. Rejection shows that you are giving yourself or your ideologies to the wrong people or you need to improve certain areas to meet a certain standard.

The only way you can get over it is through facing it. Take it up as a challenge; expose yourself to it in the right circumstances that are not toxic.

After a while of licking my wounds and trying to get my tail out from between my legs, I got up and started pitching again. Those pitches too were followed by a series of rejections. But that’s when the magic happened. I embraced it, picked myself up, and continued pitching. Each time I got rejected it affected me less and less until my reaction slowly turned into a shrug and "Compose new email." I am proud to say I’m getting a yes here and there. My confidence as a writer has never been better.