Depressed? Anxious? Stressed? You May Be Grieving a Loss

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In our research about grief and loss, we discovered that symptoms of grief can be eerily similar to those experienced by people who have post-traumatic stress. Three major symptoms of PTS are depression, anxiety, and stress, which grieving people can also experience. When we think of grief we usually think of the loss of a loved one, or a miscarriage. But we can grieve for many things, such as the loss of a relationship, or a career or job that we felt helped define us, or the loss of our home. And grief often lasts far longer than we—or the people in our lives—ever thought it would.

Is Depression a Part of Grief?

Yes, depression is a part of grief, especially since the most common symptom of clinical depression is feeling sad or empty for more than two weeks. When we grieve, there is no magic wand waved a fortnight after our loss that miraculously takes away the pain or makes us forget what we’ve just experienced. Nor should we want to forget. Being depressed occasionally throughout our lifetime is part of the human experience. It’s normal. And so is being depressed when someone we love has passed away. (This is known as situational depression.)

Major depression causes severe symptoms that affect how you feel, think, and handle daily activities. When we’re grieving, we may experience depression for much longer than two weeks, and yet we may not require mental health therapy or medication, because we understand that we’ll get better in time.

During the grieving process, it’s important to stay in touch with our feelings and recognize the signs if we’re beginning to slip into a more serious depression. It may be time to consider seeing a mental health professional if someone you are close to mentions they are concerned about your depression. They wouldn’t bring it up unless they cared.

Is Anxiety a Part of Grief?

Anxiety is not necessarily a part of the grieving process; it depends on your experience, situation, and possibly your personality or state of mind. Generalized anxiety usually involves a persistent feeling of anxiety or dread, which can interfere with daily life. It is not the same as occasionally worrying about things or experiencing anxiety due to stressful life events. People living with generalized anxiety experience frequent anxiety for months, if not years. It can cause an increase in heart rate, rapid breathing, sweating, and feeling tired. Anxiety is a normal response to stressful situations such as public speaking or taking a test.

In the case of grief and anxiety, we discovered in our interviews of widowed people that worrying about finances could be cause for anxiety, especially if the deceased spouse was the chief income-earner. These widowed people felt insecure about whether their financial needs would be met, even if their spouse had made provisions for them. One widow told us, “My husband had a business that basically runs itself, and he had an insurance policy, plus I can collect his Social Security survivors’ benefits. But I’m constantly worried that it’ll all be taken away and I’ll be homeless.” This thought—“I’ll be homeless”—was shared by other widowed people, even when, logically, their fear was likely never to come to fruition.

To be clear, it’s not unusual to feel anxious or worried during the grieving process. But it’s a good idea to monitor how worried you are and if you feel like it’s becoming extreme, then consider talking to a professional.

Anxiety/Panic Attacks

In our work with grieving people and those with post-traumatic stress, some described a phenomenon that overcame them instantly and seemingly out of nowhere: They thought they were having a heart attack or were afraid they were dying. In some instances, paramedics were called, or the mourning person was taken to the emergency room. After being thoroughly checked, each was told they had suffered a panic attack.

Panic attacks are associated with anxiety. Many people have one or two panic attacks in their lifetimes; it happens, and the problem goes away, more than likely when a stressful situation ends. Although panic attacks themselves aren't life-threatening, they can be frightening and significantly affect your quality of life. If they are recurrent and cause you to spend long periods in fear of another one, you may have panic disorder. But it's important to know that not everyone who has a panic attack develops panic disorder.

Is Stress a Part of Grief?

Yes, stress is part of the grieving process. Stress is the physical or mental response to an external cause—the stressor—such as having an illness, or having to speak in public. The stressor may happen once, or recur over a long period of time. According to the Holmes & Rahe Stress Scale, the death of a spouse—we would add "or of a child"—is considered the most stressful event a person experiences in life. (Take the Holmes & Rahe Stress Scale.)

Here are some more facts about stress:

• Generally, stress is a response to an external cause, such as taking a big test, arguing with a friend, or grieving the death of a loved one, the latter of which is life-altering.
• Stress goes away once the situation is resolved. In the case of the loss of a loved one, the stress dissipates over time as we learn to cope with our loss.
• Stress can be positive or negative. For example, it may inspire you to meet a deadline, or it may cause you to lose sleep. When we are mourning, the stress we feel will more than likely be negative. However, it can also cause us to accomplish necessary things we don’t feel like doing, and even then it’s hard to consider the stress “positive.”

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If you are grieving, knowing what causes your anxiety and stress gives you two giant steps forward in learning how to better cope with your grief.

To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.