The Challenging Art of Supporting Students After Suicide Loss

We met Gwen in her hometown of Poplar Grove, U.S., (all names are pseudonyms). She was there to talk with us about the day she learned that her friend had died by suicide. Gwen received this terrible news at school, surrounded by shocked friends and teachers. “I probably remember that day, like, more vividly than any other…better than graduation, better than prom,” Gwen recounted.

The shock, confusion, and grief that often follow a suicide loss can be intense for youth, transforming a day that often started just like any other into a defining moment of their young lives. This means that taking care of youth after they’ve experienced a suicide loss is critically important to shaping their story – ideally, from one of risk towards one of healing.

Because schools are the social hub of youth’s lives, schools are considered one of the most important places for what suicidologists call suicide postvention – or the organized efforts after a suicide to promote healing, limit suffering, and prevent additional suicides. Postvention is important because the time after a suicide can be particularly risky: youth’s vulnerability to suicide sometimes increases after they have had a friend attempt or die by suicide. Risk that is exacerbated if thoughtful efforts to connect impacted youth to needed care don’t happen.

Despite the incredible importance of suicide postvention in schools, we have found in our research that schools often struggle to adhere to best practices. Having been in schools on the day of, we understand how complex and painful these days are. Making decisions often under time pressure is not easy.

Drawing on interviews with over 100 youth, school staff, parents, and mental health workers in a community hard hit by suicide losses, and presented in our book Life under Pressure: The Social Roots of Youth Suicide and What to Do About Them, we identified some guiding principles for school-centered postvention that can help schools navigate these tragic days and support youth effectively.

1. Prioritize being authentically caring with students.

Youth made it clear that the words shared with them during postvention could be extremely consequential. So, if we were to offer only one piece of advice to school leaders: err on the side of communicating how much you care about your students. And make it authentic. Be open and honest. Listen to students when they discuss their needs and take their concerns seriously. Sometimes youth just need to be heard.

In those conversations, do your best to meet their needs, but if you can’t – which almost certainly will happen sometimes – help students understand your concerns to ensure they do not interpret being denied as a lack of caring.

2. Make time and space for youth to heal.

Suicide losses are extremely painful events, sometimes even for youth who did not know the person who died well. Teens will need time to grieve, to make sense of what has happened, and to begin to heal.

After a suicide, it can be tempting to emphasize returning the school to “normal” as quickly as possible. For some youth, “normal” will be comforting. But other youth found this approach deeply painful. Like it meant their lives didn’t matter.

In talking with teens, these issues were particularly salient when it came to seating charts in classrooms. Empty chairs can be haunting, but filling them in too quickly can feel like erasing someone’s memory. To limit the pain caused by rearranging seats, we recommend collaborating with students to design a respectful brief ceremony to acknowledge the rearranging of the seating chart. If a school or crisis counselor can be present, this ceremony can be an important opportunity to identify students in need of additional support. It’s also important to note that not all teachers will be equipped to take this on – often they are grieving too. So the school or district’s crisis team should be prepared to lead this effort if needed.

3. Talk about suicide with youth.

In our research in Poplar Grove, we found that after suicide losses, adults often tried to shut down conversations about suicide, fearing these conversations may trigger yet another suicide cluster. As Amelia, one teen we met shared, “[the school] was so scared of that ripple effect…that they [left] the rest of us…in the dark.” “I want to be able to talk about [suicide]!” she exclaimed, since suicide was a defining experience of her high school years.

Suicide Essential Reads

The Social Roots of Youth Suicide

Silence About Suicide Is Killing Us

Importantly, talking about suicide does not cause suicide. Research shows that it is safe and even helpful to talk about suicide, including with youth (see O’Connor 2023 and Joiner 2010, for reviews). Not talking about suicide also means missing opportunities. Opportunities to empower youth to take charge of their well-being by teaching them how to recognize warning signs for suicide and how to get help when needed.

Additionally, kids will be talking about suicide after a suicide. If adults suppress these conversations, youth just take them underground, creating opportunities for incorrect and scary beliefs about suicide to grow. Natalie, a teen we met, was terrified that she could just snap one day and die by suicide because her seemingly perfect classmate had appeared to do just that. We were the first adults to explain to her why that was unlikely and what to do if she felt like she might “snap.”

In our hyperconnected world, shutting down conversations is not an option. If we attempt it, we risk alienating youth, heightening the pain and confusion they feel, and potentially even exacerbating their vulnerability to suicidality (Abrutyn, Mueller, and Osborne 2020).

4. Plan ahead.

The best way to ensure an authentically caring postvention that meets youth’s diverse needs is to plan ahead. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s publication After a Suicide: A Toolkit for Schools and the book Suicide in Schools provide important guidance on how to develop a comprehensive evidence-based suicide postvention plan.

If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide, seek help immediately. For help 24/7 dial 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, or reach out to the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741. To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.