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Renowned for his beauty, Narcissus, was the object of affection for all who saw him. His disinterest for his admirers often led to their ultimate destruction, most notably Ameinius. In his desire to have Ameinius prove his love, Narcissus, sent him a sword upon which to fall. Before taking his own life for the love of Narcissus, Ameinius asked the gods to punish his vain paramour.
Upon seeing his reflection in the water of a spring, the now cursed Narcissus, fell in love with his image. Although he tried to touch his reflection, possession was impossible. After he realized that he was the image in the spring, Narcissus took his own life, dying with the agony of unrequited love, as those who loved him had experienced.
Aside from the obvious problematic cognitions and behaviors...self-objectification, lack of empathy, impossible standards, inability of reciprocation, and madness...we can learn something from the man who loved himself above all else on this Valentine's Day.
Know your worth: Narcissus knew he was all that and more. Although, his estimation of his worth was bloated and likely bordering on delusional, we often have the opposite problem. We think we are never enough! In an effort to compensate for our "less than" experience of the self, we may buy things we don't need, engage in activities we don't like, date those who are not deserving, self soothe with unhealthy behaviors, etc. Our existence alone denotes worth, taking the time to acknowledge yours without the distraction of your trappings, degrees, and relationships will bring you closer to true self-appreciation.
Shine: All of us have something to be proud of. It can be our sense of humor, joie de vivre, analytical skills, service towards others, or artistic talent. These are pieces of the self that should be pursued, developed, and unabashedly magnified without fear that others will envy our successes. Nelson Mandela expresses this most eloquently:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Embrace admiration: On this day of hearts and kisses, you may overhear excessive praise, or witness unnecessary displays of affection. If you envy the admiration another receives, replace the "woe is me?" with "why not me?" Assume you have something that warrants praise. And when someone expresses an appreciation for all that makes you spectacular, I hope you will never again respond with a decline or surprise. Accept it!
Require action: My ninety-year-old-Grammy has always said "Words are cheap." Narcissus knew this well. He was not satisfied with professions of love. Just ask Ameinius, who was required to fall on Narcissus' sword to prove his love.
You will hear "I love you," "You are the one," "I value you" but if these words are not operationalized into action they are empty. Hearing these professions of love are exciting, wonderful, and romantic, but they should not sustain a relationship if they are not followed by action. Remember my first point, you are worth it.
Love your reflection: We may spend almost as much time as Narcissus staring at our reflection...but it is sadly not in admiration. Our time in front of the mirror may include an examination of our aging, criticism of our faces, and/or damnation of our bodies. If you can't stare at your reflection, like Narcissus, and love what you see minimize your time in front of the mirror. Our detail-oriented inspection is far harsher than the general assessment others make to judge our overall appearance. Take a quick look, find easy areas of improvement, make the necessary changes, and move on...preferably to those internal qualities that make you the most attractive.
On this Valentine's Day, take a cue from the bad boy we would love to hate. Love all that you are and all that you are not. Expect to be loved, don't beg for it or be surprised when someone throws you a bone. And fearlessly develop and display those qualities that make you shine.
Happy Valentine's Day!
