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A new year calls for a new you. This may include goals for weight loss, career changes, relationship improvements, or my personal favorite, a good closet cleaning. It is amazing what you can find in someone's closet and even more amazing to discover her in there. This is what I do. In addition to being a "real live" clinical psychologist, I also examine the meaning behind dress behaviors, such as buying, storing, and assembling, to find the internal you.
As we enter the end of January, many of us who have established resolutions have failed to follow through with them. I was called in for one such client who had high hopes of a New Year closet clearing, but was stuck perseverating at the beginning of the process.
My client, Amy*, came to me with a carful of clothes that had weighed down her consciousness as much as it had the trunk of her car. As we sifted through her tops, pants, dresses, shoes, and accessories and examined the internal reasons for her dress patterns, four major themes emerged. They are as follows: 1. Finding clothes that fit a new body 2. Dressing one's age 3. Maintaining appearances in a depressed economy 4. Shifting roles and identity. These individual themes were merely the macrocosmic experience manifesting in a microcosm of Amy's closet.
As many of us have a resolution to eat well and exercise more, Amy's resolution led to weight loss. A change in weight, gain or loss, requires an honest recalibration of your body perception. For Amy, she was unwilling to let go of the clothes she wore when she was larger. Perhaps she kept them because she was afraid she would gain the weight back. Perhaps she kept them to remind herself of the goal she accomplished. Or perhaps she kept them because she hadn't taken the time to change her conceptualization of her body. Whether you are experiencing a physical, behavioral, or emotional change, you must identify and acknowledge the shift. This should become a mindful process, certainly one that has positive implications for your resolutions. In a society where there is so much discussion of weightloss, nutrition, exercise, and ideal body types, we may get lost in the other-noise, and not take the time to examine the changes in our body as compared to our OWN body. As with Amy, you must take the time to do this and examine the internal consequences of this external change.
Another factor that required a mindful examination was Amy's age. Amy found the consideration of her age confusing. Was she young or old? Hip or trying too hard? Out of date or appropriate? When surrounded by a message of "younger is better," it is not a surprise that Amy was one of many who did not know how to dress appropriately for her age. If you are aging, and told that you are losing your value, how would you know what to wear? You would most likely be persuaded to "dress younger" because that is what retains your value. Dressing younger does not make you younger! Examine what specifically it is about looking younger that appeals to you. These responses are highly varied depending on the client with whom I am working. Some say that looking younger means more energetic, some say that looking younger means stress-free, and others say happy. Dress in a way that enhances the specific factors that describe youth for you, and not for those that are forced down your throat.
Amy had more than her shape and age to consider, she was amidst difficult financial times. She was forced to go back to work, balancing two jobs, to ease the effects of her partner's unemployment. Amy could no longer afford the clothes that she was buying. Unfortunately, she lived in a very affluent neighborhood where her friends actually could buy, so the reality of her situation was more difficult to accept. We have a desire to keep up with the Joneses or at minimum appear as if we can keep up with our bills in an economy that may not allow us to do so. Even if others, who have means, surround us we must be honest about our situation. Do not measure yourself against others, and discard the faulty measuring stick (net worth) to assess your value.
In addition to age, size, and finance, Amy was juggling multiple shifting roles. Her fragmented wardrobe reflected this stress, and resulted in "I have nothing to wear" exclamations in front of a jammed packed closet. We are called to wear many hats—parent, daughter, student, employee, partner, friend, caretaker, breadwinner, etc. Each of these roles require not only a different mindset but a matching wardrobe—demure, appropriate, sexy, professional, powerful. Although having mulifacets is an important and healthy part of our identity, these components must be integrated into a whole. Each piece much "communicate" with the other. You can be a successful parent, but can become an even more effective one if you are able to receive love from another as a child, partner, or friend. You can be a successful employer, but become an even more effective one as a student or employee.
What started out as a simple closet redo for the New Year, became an identification and reformulation process for Amy. She realized that her patterns of dress difficulties revealed deeper struggles. Although this experience was not an easy one, Amy realized that her issues went far beyond the closet, reflecting universal themes that we all have hidden in our wardrobes and beyond.
