Feeding on the Disrespect of Others Is Not Our Optimal State

"Trust me, you guys can’t touch me!"

In an on-court interview immediately following his fourth-round win at Wimbledon, Novak Djokovic lashed out at the crowd, accusing fans of rooting against him, booing, and being disrespectful. He taunted them, saying, “Have a goooooooooood night,” imitating the sounds of their boos echoing inside his head throughout the match. “They were disrespecting me. I’ve played in more hostile environments. Trust me, you guys can’t touch me.”

Although his words speak of being untouched, the flaring of his nostrils, fire in his eyes, and tension throughout his face, neck, and body during the match, and lingering into the interview tell a more sensitive story of our shared humanity.

The spoken and unspoken exchanges with those around us influence how we feel and perform, no matter what we tell ourselves, others, and the world. To think we are untouchable is a misunderstanding and denial of our vulnerabilities, and it is a missed opportunity to harness the physiological strength and resilience accessible through the support and encouragement of others.

When we feel disrespected, as Djokovic describes, we have been touched. Being impacted by those around us is not a defect, liability, or trait to train out of ourselves but a precious attribute and powerful resource embedded in our DNA.

Our Precious and Powerful Gift

As social mammals, we have a unique gift to detect and evaluate, without thinking, whether someone is with us or against us. As an evolutionary strategy to enhance our survival, we rapidly and reflexively predict the intentions of those around us through their facial expressions, vocalizations, movements, breathing, muscle tension, and body language. These verbal and nonverbal features trigger adaptive physiological shifts (e.g., changes in heart rate, breathing, metabolic output, muscle tension) to prepare our body to attack, defend, and protect, or to relax, trust, and play together.

Djokovic “wants to hear ‘boo,’ to be honest with you, because it makes him play better,” says Mark Philippoussis, 2003 Wimbledon runner-up. We often hear how the greats, like Novak, love to fight with the opponents and their fans because they feed on the dislike, disrespect, and disregard coming at them.

John McEnroe

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John McEnroe provides a slightly different viewpoint: “He’s been battling this for his whole career, and yes he feeds off negative energy. And yes, I did feed off that at times, but I hated it in a way. Do you want people yelling against you, hoping you’ll lose?“

McEnroe was considered a master of feasting on negativity and deliberately orchestrating conflict to fuel his performance and disrupt his opponent. Yet he paints a more complex, nuanced picture of the impacts others had on his feelings, performance, and behaviors.

To be fair, the disrespect and dislike that Djokovic and McEnroe experienced would mobilize them into reactive, vigilant, and threat-oriented physiological states, primed to attack their opponents, defend their status and ranking, and protect their identity. These physiological shifts (e.g., increases in heart rate, breathing, metabolic output, body temperature, muscle tension) may temporarily boost intensity, focus, and motivation. Still, they are unsustainable, don’t feel good, and don’t reflect the neural platform for optimal performance.

“We evolved to be a species of co-regulation,” says Stephen W. Porges, Ph.D., developer of Polyvagal Theory. We exchange how we feel with one another, and through this exchange, we can change how we feel.

Pretending we don’t feel touched by someone, for better or worse, or striving to be untouchable will detach us from the pure and powerful essence of who we are and why we play the game.

Who We Are and Why We Play the Game

In a press conference after his win in the third round of the 2024 French Open, Australian professional tennis player Alex de Minaur explained, “He was this little kid that at every single change of ends, every single point I won, he was screaming at my face…he gave me life. Every single change of ends, I'm looking at him, locking eyes with him. And at the end I just gave him a hug. It was amazing. I appreciate this kid. I was happy that I was able to get a win together with him."

Heading into the fourth round for the first time in his career, de Minaur had lost six of his previous Grand Slam matches against top-five players and held a 2-6 losing record against his opponent. de Minaur felt he needed a miracle to upset the fifth seed, Danil Medvedev, so he posted a message on social media saying, “I need to find the name of this legend!!! Message me on Instagram. I need you for the next round!”

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“We ended up finding him. We got him to the match. It was great to see him out there. Again, even on that big court, I could hear him after every single point,” de Minaur said after a stunning upset of the fifth seed.

Immediately after the match, in an on-court interview, de Minaur put his arm around the kid and introduced him to the media, saying, “This is my best fan here, Paul. I want to say thank you. After the tournament, the next round, you have to be with me too.”

Later, they high-fived, and then de Minaur looked at Paul with a gentle, authentic sincerity in his eyes, saying, “I listened to you on every point. Thank you.”

This exchange between Alex and Paul is the essence of who we are when we see, hear, include, value, and trust one another. Trust is the essence of who we are.