5 Ways to Respond to Judgment

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When you watch dogs playing with each other in the park, you’re watching pure, unadulterated joy. Every single one of them is totally in the moment, just focused on having a good time. Not one of them is thinking, “I should be smaller / bigger / thinner / curvier.” Not one of them is thinking, “How should I behave here? What should I look like?” This is one of the many great lessons we can learn from our four-legged furry friends. They don’t care what other dogs think. They don’t care about the shoulds.

This is one of the challenges of being a human being. Our brains are so complex and our minds are so active that we do end up thinking about a lot of nonsense. Included in this nonsense is that we tend to care too much about what other people think and what we think they think we should do. This is a huge block to loving ourselves. It prevents us from being ourselves, from exploring who we are, and from evolving into whom we are meant to become. It also prevents us from living our lives exactly how we yearn to.

The reality is no one can tell you what you should do or how you should live your life or who you should be or become. You are the only one who gets to design your life and write your life story exactly how you want it. And you should (forgive the pun) do exactly that.

Listening to Intuition

Why? Because no one knows you as well as you do. No one knows what you need the most except you. So simply stop listening to what people are telling you you should do. Stop responding to societal pressure on how you think you should live. Instead, go back to your intuition and listen to that. That is a way better guide than any should could ever be.

If you want to ask for tips, recommendations, advice, or feedback, you are more than welcome to. Just make sure you ask the right people—the ones that you trust and the ones that have your best interests, not theirs, at the forefront. The ones that perhaps have more experience in the field you want to progress in. Still, whenever receiving advice, always always take it with a pinch of salt. Because what worked for them won’t necessarily work for you—be it success, happiness, or progress-wise.

At the end of the day, you are the master of your life. It’s up to you to create the life you want in the way you want.

Responding to Judgment

Next time someone offers you unsolicited advice, critique you’re not interested in, judgment on the choices you’ve made knowing they’re right for you, or any other kind of shoulds, you can be prepared with a ready-made response—a response that helps you to immediately let go of their comment so that it doesn’t become an unnecessary burden you carry with you.

Depending on the context and who you are talking to, you might be able to say this out loud straight to them in a polite but direct manner. If this is not your preferred option because you worry the person might be triggered to go on even further about it, then the better thing to do is to simply acknowledge their comment with a nod and carry on with a different conversation topic. I encourage you to still say something to yourself in your head as this will help you to let it go.

Here are some ideas on how you can respond, either out loud or in your mind, when these unwelcome shoulds come flying your way:

1. “Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I understand you’re trying to help. I’ve actually considered this a lot, which is why I’ve decided to do it this way. I hope you understand.”
2. "Thank you for your input. However, I am doing what I feel is right for me. Deep down, I know this is what I need to do now.”
3. “I have made my decision based on what gives me love and light. I hope you can respect that. I send you love and light."
4. “I hope you can find your own alignment and happiness on your own terms. As for me, I have found them in this choice.”
5. “I am who I am, and I’m doing what I believe is right for me. I hope you do the same yourself.”

When she stopped
Listening to the shoulds
Of the world,
She started to hear
The yearnings
Of her world.

This is an excerpt from Notes on Self-Love.