How to Raise Emotionally Resilient Children

In today's fast-paced and ever-changing world, raising emotionally resilient children has become more important than ever. Some parents have gotten lost in the desire to prevent their children from experiencing any negative emotions. Experiencing negative emotions is a natural part of life and avoidance unwittingly prevents children from developing the coping skills they will need to thrive on their own later in life. Emotional resilience is the ability to adapt to and bounce back from life's challenges, and it plays a crucial role in overall well-being. As parents, we have the power to foster this resilience in our children. Here are some key strategies to help nurture emotional resilience in your children.

Parent helping with emotions

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1. Acknowledge and Respect Emotions

Emotions are an important part of our humanity. They help make life more fulfilling and rewarding. Our goal should not be to avoid emotions, but to embrace them. Parents should teach their children that there are no good and bad emotions, they just are. Instead of immediately pushing past emotions, allow them to be felt. If they feel sad or don’t want to go to school, acknowledge that feeling. This requires being present and honest. Even sharing that you feel similar feelings can go a long way with children.

So many of us learn from a very early age that we can only feel a few positive emotions and everything else is bad, which becomes the source of negative self-talk throughout our lives. If I am not supposed to be angry, sad, overwhelmed, frustrated, etc., the thought that something must be wrong with me becomes common and only makes me feel worse. And if I ignore that I am angry, sad, overwhelmed, or frustrated, I won't be able to do anything to help myself because it is impossible to have any power over emotions we won’t acknowledge exist. The urge to get our children to a different emotional state quickly can be hard to resist, but it is more beneficial to simply acknowledge what they are already feeling. It teaches them to be comfortable with their own thoughts and feelings instead of resisting them. This is the beginning of resilience.

2. Words Have Power

The words used to describe emotions determine whether children develop emotional resilience or lack coping skills to move forward. Today, it is culturally normative to take on emotions as a personal identity. Children at very early ages are identifying themselves as depressed or anxious. They have received the message that feelings are a deeply rooted part of their identity that cannot be overcome.

Parents should challenge themselves to push back against this cultural shift to help their children overcome emotional difficulties instead of succumb to them. Parents can best support children by providing them with more resilient language for their emotions. Emotions are real and should be felt, not interpreted as a who we are. The difference between “I am” and “I feel” are worlds apart. I am overwhelmed suggests an immovable state while I feel overwhelmed suggest that there is a way through. Feelings come and go, but an identity has a lingering impact. Teach them to feel their feelings not become them.

3. Model Emotional Resilience

Parenting is a participation sport, and our most powerful teacher is modeling. What our children see us do impacts how they interact with the world around them. Modeling emotional resilience is the key. Many parents feel overwhelmed when they consistently tell their children what to do and find that little to nothing improves. Simply giving commands and instructions has very limited impact on human behavior. One of the most well documented theories of behavior modification is Bandura’s Social Learning Theory. Bandura effectively argues that human beings learn through observing, modeling, and imitating what we see (Bandura 1977.) Children are watching parents carefully and using what they see to form a basis for what they should do. What do you do when they spill juice in the car? How do you react when they struggle to regulate their emotions? Your responses during these times determine what children learn about emotional resilience.

Furthermore, demonstrating how you push past those difficult moments will speak volumes. When you don’t feel like going to work or feel overwhelmed, for example, let them see you model three coping skills to overcome difficult emotions; acknowledge, practice, demonstrate.

1. Acknowledge your emotions and show yourself some grace. You might simply say “I am feeling very frustrated right now.” Voicing your emotions teaches them that they can do the same with their own emotions.

2. Practice calming your emotions before responding to them when they are having emotional outbursts. Take some deep breathes or simply pause before responding. Look for ways to connect with them instead of focusing on your frustration with them.

3. Demonstrate positive outlets for emotions. For example: listen to music, sing, cry, laugh, share your feelings clearly, change your perspective, change your scenery, exercise, etc. This gives them tools to bounce back when their own emotions feel overwhelming.

With the growing complexities of modern life, fostering emotional resilience equips children with the strength to face adversity and thrive. These strategies empower parents to play an active role in shaping resilient, adaptable, and emotionally intelligent individuals.