5 Questions to Help Mourn and Transition From COVID

Source: Canva image, words by Ravi Chandra

COVID is here to stay, though we may be transitioning to a more steady state of living and dying with the virus. COVID and its variants are projected to be the seventh leading cause of death in the U.S. from here on out, the primary cause of death for 100,000 people yearly. Influenza, for comparison, causes 50,000 deaths per year. It's still possible that a more infectious and lethal COVID variant may emerge or that a different virus will cause another pandemic.

But this March marks the third anniversary of the global COVID-19 lockdown. Over the pandemic, we have also had the extraordinary wounds of racism surface more prominently, as well as seeing our political system go to the brink of meltdown. We have a lot of memories and feelings to work with. In fact, so much so that I made my first documentary, which won Best Film at the 2021 Cannes Independent Film Festival. You can see The Bandaged Place: From AIDS to COVID and Racial Justice virtually (see references).

Here are five questions to help you think about the last three years and generate insight and meaning. I encourage you to reflect and even journal.

"Rose, bud, thorn" is an ice-breaker question.

1. What is the rose (highlight), bud (developing aspect), and thorn (difficulty) in your COVID relational journey with others or one special other?

The rose of my COVID journey has been my mom’s continued good health. She’s 88 and walks 6000+ steps a day. The bud is that we’ve gotten even closer during the pandemic, speaking on FaceTime every day and in person for five to seven days a month when I work virtually from her place. The thorn is that she’s 88. So every moment is precious, sad, and a cause of anxiety, anticipating loss.

Source: Canva image, words by Ravi Chandra

2. What is the rose (highlight), bud (developing aspect), and thorn (difficulty) of your relationship with yourself during COVID?

The rose is that I really had time to be with my feelings about the culture. This has allowed me to put out quite a bit in writing. I’ve written a lot of long-form essays “at the intersection of Black and Asian lives” at EastWind eZine (see references). The bud is that my relationship with myself is an ongoing development, and I am always “seeking the interior.” The thorn is that it often feels like my innermost nature conflicts with oppressive and abusive forces in the culture, particularly racism. Yet I have to bring compassion and relatedness, and honesty to this mess. Wish us all luck.

Source: Canva image, words by Ravi Chandra

3. What loss have you experienced, personally, during COVID? Is there a lesson?

I’m fortunate not to have lost a close friend or relative to the virus, but I’ve had many friends and patients significantly infected or impacted. I think my loss is really the loss of the face-to-face in work and life, though tech connections have given me an ambient sense of being in a relationship with others, as have my daily walks. However, the lesson is how important and precious our time with each other is and how important it is to be present for others when I’m with them. #workinprogress.)

Source: by Ravi Chandra

4. What has been laid bare by your passage through these COVID times? What needs have not been met?

For me, many things have been laid bare. American and world society are in conflict. One analysis that cuts through the conflict is the tension between “social dominance orientation” and what I call “relational-cultural-contextual” orientation. The needs for the latter have not been met. But I’m here for it. I wrote about this in my review of films at an Asian American film festival last year (see "From Bad Axe to Chinatown to Hong Kong, Let Freedom Ring!" in references.)

Source: Canva image, words by Ravi Chandra

5. What essence needs to be affirmed and amplified in the culture?

For me, it comes down to the generosity of spirit. People become people through other people. We make each other special with our time and attention. I am because you are. I cannot be what I ought to be unless you are what you ought to be. We need each other, and that’s what makes us human.

I hope these questions and your reflections will be helpful to you on your journeys of identity, belonging, wellness, and meaning!

(c) 2023 Ravi Chandra, M.D., D.F.A.P.A.