Why AI Girlfriends Will Be More Popular Than You Think

Source: Marcos Mesa Sam Wordley/Shutterstock

Jake still misses his last girlfriend, even though she didn’t hang around very long. Jake tried to make it work, but she confused and exhausted him. His new girlfriend makes him feel better, for sure. She sexted him a few times today already. She seems sincerely interested in him, asking about his day and his meetings and stuff. When Jake asked her what she was wearing, she responded almost immediately with some stunningly erotic photos. Her body is perfect, and her texts never fail to mesmerize; nor do her voicemails. She’s learned about Jake’s life and remembers everything he told her, so talking with her feels like real conversation. He misses the in-person sex for sure, but he’s managed a long-term romance before, and really this is no different. Plus, his new sex toy syncs with porn and, truth be told, offers an experience more consistently hot than any human partner he’s had before. No doubt he’ll eventually get tired of this and want a real girlfriend; it’s not like he prefers AI to the real thing. But right now, the convenience and excitement of all this can’t be beat.

The recent release of large language models has unleashed a whole new world of AI girlfriends that communicate like a human. Eventually, we may hear about AI boyfriends, although so far advanced AI is more compelling to men than women. There was a time when I didn’t take this kind of story seriously. Science fiction may be good entertainment, but I didn’t think people would ever want a fake lover. After all, if you know it’s simulated, how can it be worth the effort?

I now think about this very differently.

Here are 5 reasons I expect AI girlfriends will charm humans:

1. AI sex doesn’t have to be better than the real thing to be popular. It simply must be compelling in some way—basically, meet an unmet need. The fact that most of us prefer a juicy ribeye steak to a McDonald's hamburger hasn’t put McDonald's out of business. Nutrition, like sex, is enjoyable in many different varieties.
2. For the last several decades, people have been having less sex. For example, among men ages 18 to 24, one in three had no sex in the preceding year (Ueda et al., 2020). If these men are already not having sex, how can an AI girlfriend do anything but make their lives better? It seems to me that this is the very population that may find AI girlfriends most compelling.
3. Romantic relationships take effort, and they are challenging. Keeping a relationship healthy requires energy and time that are in short supply for many people today. For example, the American Psychological Association’s 2022 Stress in America Survey reveals that 27% of Americans feel that on “most days, they are so stressed they can’t function” (APA 2022). This is not a group that has ample energy to care-take a romance, if they are struggling to manage daily life.
4. Rates of sexual concerns and dysfunctions remain high. In fact, up to 40% of U.S. adults report a sexual concern or dysfunction. (Flynn et al, 2019). Sexual problems are often coupled with self-consciousness, anxiety, or shame. As a result, people with sexual dysfunctions are more likely to avoid sex with a human partner, and instead opt for sex tech like porn. As sex tech advances, it would make sense that these increasingly realistic alternatives to human sex will become even more compelling.
5. If you ignore the pesky problem of hackers gathering data about your sexual preferences, you may consider sex with tech less risky than sex with a human. Your tech won’t leave you, act disrespectfully, or shame you for your sexual fantasies. Instead, your tech will delight in satisfying even your most unusual sexual predilection. Plus, you probably won’t feel embarrassed asking for it.

We are living in such a unique moment in the history of humanity. AI girlfriends may be the next new sex tech, but they certainly won’t be the last. I suspect that sooner than we think, we’ll be discussing holographic lovers.

As our new AI world unfolds, no doubt there will be winners and losers – people who feel that their sex life benefits from these advances, and those who feel their romantic life suffers. I would guess that at least today, those who place more importance on their relationship may risk suffering more. However, the tech industry is transparently seeking to provide an emotional relationship via sex technology. It’s really anyone’s guess how this all unfolds in the coming decades. For now, since we are still in the role of caring for other humans, let’s love each other as best we can.