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QUESTION
Dear Friendship Doctor:
I recently moved in with a very good friend of mine. Last year I recommended her for a job located in the same building that I work in. We have different employers but we see each other all the time.
Now we both have part-time jobs and she also wants me to recommend her for the place where I work part time. Don't get me wrong. I love her to death, just not for all facets of my life! Should I feel guilty for not wanting to recommend her? Help!
Signed, Abby
ANSWER
Hi Abby,
When it comes to friendship, there is such a thing as too much togetherness. The same even applies for husbands and wives!
You are two people, not one. Having relationships and experiences apart from each other usually strengthens a friendship.
It’s understandable you would want some “me time” even if it’s at a part-time job. You shouldn’t feel guilty for feeling that way. Actually, your friend placed you in an awkward situation; it would have been better if she asked whether you were comfortable recommending her for a part-time job at your place of employment before presuming you would.
My advice: Tell your friend you love her to death, and you enjoy living and working together but you don’t want to be together 24/7. Offer to help her look for a part-time job in another setting if she’s intent on working. If your friend becomes too clingy or possessive, you may need to set other boundaries.
Hope this helps.
Best, Irene
