Office Banter Turns to Silence

QUESTION

Hi.

There is a guy whom I have known for six years through my hubby. During the past eight months that I’ve worked with him, we became good friends.

I text and email him more than I should. We used to banter a lot, nothing serious. But he doesn't joke with me anymore. It's been three months. Not sure what has changed. Recently I texted him and thanked him for being a good friend. He didn't respond. Was I out of line to tell him that?

Signed, Siri

ANSWER

H Siri,

Opposite gender relationships can get complicated. Your note was quite brief and raises a number of questions about this one:

• What made you think that you were texting and emailing this guy more than you should have?

• Did he tell you that the amount of communication you were having was making him feel uncomfortable?

• Was the amount or type of contact you had inappropriate in terms of the workplace setting? Could it have been viewed negatively by co-workers?

• Or were you contacting him while he was at home? If it was at home, does he have a girlfriend, wife or significant other who might get miffed?

• Would you be comfortable telling your husband about your relationship with this guy?

I don’t think your last text was particularly out of line but if your friend didn’t respond and has been distancing himself from you for months, it suggests that something about the relationship was making him feel uncomfortable. I can’t guess what it was but you suspect that your communications may have been “too much.”

At this point, it seems like the ball is in this guy’s court in terms of whether or not he wants to remain friends.

Hope this helps.

Best, Irene

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