The Importance of Speaking Up If You Witness Child Sexual Abuse

Many people are aware of the current controversy related to Investigation Discovery’s documentary entitled, Quiet on the Set: The Dark Side of Kids TV. In the documentary, revelations are brought to light about the alleged sexual abuse and misconduct behind the scenes of the era's biggest children’s shows on Nickelodeon during the late 90s and early 2000s. These allegations have rocked the millennials who grew up watching these shows and have once again brought attention to how often children do not report incidences of child sexual abuse and how often witnesses to the abuse remain silent.

So this brings up the important question: Do those who witnessed inappropriate sexual behavior toward children, as well as those who were also abused, have an obligation to report the child sexual abuse? The answer to this question is a resounding YES, for the following reasons:

1. The primary reason child molesters continue to get away with this crime is because people—victims and witnesses—remain silent.
2. We have a moral and sometimes legal duty to report. For example, teachers and health care workers are called "mandated reporters" and are required by law to report to authorities even if they suspect child sexual abuse.
3. Just as adult victims of rape and sexual assault are often not believed when they report the crime, children who disclose child sexual abuse are often not believed. Therefore, the most important reason to speak up if you witnessed inappropriate sexual behavior toward a child is to offer immeasurable support to the victim. It is far more likely that the victim will be believed, get the psychological help they need, and receive the justice they deserve if you validate their experience.
4. Just as it was with the “Me Too” movement, each time a witness steps up, it encourages still more victims to step up.
5. There may be people who were also sexually abused by the same perpetrator(s) who have been in complete denial about their own victimization. You never know whether your speaking up may be just the catalyst for these former victims to finally realize they too were victimized by the same perpetrator.
6. It may even be possible that you have been in denial about the fact that you were also a victim of the same perpetrator or another one. Speaking up may give you the courage to face the truth about what happened to you.
7. Victims of child sexual abuse usually suffer from tremendous shame. This shame can be very debilitating, causing them to blame themselves for the abuse, want to put the abuse out of their minds, or convince themselves that it really didn’t happen after all. Talking about the abuse can actually be quite liberating, helping a person to stop blaming themselves and cleanse the shame they never deserved.
8. By speaking up you may contribute to getting the perpetrator off the streets for a long time, a major way to protect innocent children.

Even though there are so many good reasons why it is important to speak up if you've witnessed inappropriate sexual behavior toward a child (or children) it can still be very difficult for some to do for the following reasons:

1. Speaking up can be potentially traumatic. It doesn’t matter whether you are an adult or a child, it takes courage and strength that you simply may not have, depending on your own childhood traumas and whether you ever got help for them. For example, if you had a tyrannical father who beat you often and scared you to the point that you could barely speak up around him, expecting yourself to speak up now, especially to authorities (who would likely remind you of your father) may be just too terrifying for you. If this is your situation, please seek therapy to help you heal so that you can stand up to this injustice.
2. It may be that you are a victim of child sexual abuse who is in denial. Your abuse experience or your perpetrator may have caused you so much trauma that you had to block it out of your mind. The reason you may resist speaking up now for a family member or friend may be that on some level you may be aware that doing so would force you to come out of denial about your own abuse.
3. You may, in fact, have been molested by the same perpetrator as your family member or friend but refuse to either face the truth about this or be afraid of what the perpetrator would do to you if you dare to speak up. For example, I treated a young man in his twenties who disclosed to me that his father had sexually abused him for years. During the course of our therapy, he gained the courage to tell his younger brother about the abuse, both hoping for his support and in an effort to protect his brother. His brother acted as if he didn’t believe him and even stopped speaking to him for a while. This was very painful for my client. Eventually, however, my client’s brother told him in confidence that indeed, he did believe him because their father had molested him as well. But when it came to reporting the abuse to the authorities, his brother refused. He was so afraid of his father and of disrupting the family that he couldn’t bring himself to support his brother.

While the politically (and often legally) correct thing to do is to speak up and support a former victim of child sexual abuse, you may not be able to bring yourself to do so at this point, even though you know it is the right thing to do. You are the only one who knows the reasons why you aren’t willing to speak up. If you haven’t heard of self-compassion, please read about it and begin practicing it. One key element of practicing self-compassion is to tell yourself, “It’s understandable,” as in, “It’s understandable that I would be afraid to come forward because of my own trauma.”

That said, if your own past trauma is getting in the way of you being as courageous and strong as you’d like to be, I urge you to consider going to a trauma therapist for help. I also encourage you to read such books as my latest, Freedom at Last: Healing the Shame of Childhood Sexual Abuse and The Courage to Heal.

To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.