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Human connection is the key to our health and happiness. This is a universal truth. A wide range of recent studies have found that prosocial behaviors such as generosity, altruism, compassion, and empathy foster the well-being of all parties involved. Even from a purely machiavellian standpoint, “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you” is in your own best interest.
Homo sapiens are social creatures who have evolved so successfully because of our ability to cooperate and work together. Unfortunately, modern life has short circuited our biological tendencies in many ways. However, through conscious efforts and daily mindfulness exercises that foster "loving thy neighbor as thyself,” I’m optimistic that we can reduce the current levels of hatred and violence between “ingroups” and “outgroups.”
Living By the Golden Rule Is the Key to Creating Peace on Earth
A December 2015 study from the University of Zurich, “How Learning Shapes the Empathic Brain,” found that just a few small acts of generosity by a stranger from an outside group created neurobiological changes in the brain that made individuals more empathetic to all members of the outside group. In a press release, the researchers said,
“At the beginning of the study, the stranger's pain triggered a weaker brain activation in the participant than if a member of his or her own group was affected. However, only a handful of positive experiences with someone from the stranger's group led to a significant increase in empathic brain responses if pain was inflicted on a different person from the out-group. The stronger the positive experience with the stranger was, the greater was the increase in neuronal empathy.”
In 2012, researchers from New Zealand published a study, “A 32-Year Longitudinal Study of Child and Adolescent Pathways to Well-Being in Adulthood,” in the Journal of Happiness Studies. For this study, researchers analyzed health and happiness data for 804 people over the course of 32 years.
The research team found that positive social relationships in childhood and adolescence are key to adult well-being. Social connectedness in adolescence was primarily demonstrated by social attachments (parents, peers, school, confidant) and participation in extracurricular youth groups and sporting clubs.
Another well-being study from 2012, "A Collective Theory of Happiness: Words Related to the Word 'Happiness' in Swedish Online Newspapers," was published in the scientific periodical Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking. The researchers found that human relationships bring people much more happiness than material possessions.
For this study, researchers in Sweden analyzed specific words relating to happiness that most often occurred in the same article in the Swedish media. The algorithm analyzed more than one and a half million words and found that words like "Prince Daniel," "Zlatan," "grandmother" and personal pronouns (such as you/me, us/them) often appeared in articles that also mentioned words related to happiness. On the flip side, words like "iPhone," "millions" and "Google" almost never appeared in articles that also had words relating to happiness.
In a press release, lead author Danilo Garcia said, "Just as the Beatles sang, most people understand that money can't buy you happiness or love. But even if we as individuals can understand the importance of close and warm relationships on a social level, it isn't certain that everyone is aware that such relationships are actually necessary for our own personal happiness."
I’m writing this blog post in the predawn hours of Christmas day. As I sit by the Christmas tree, with dozens of wrapped presents beneath it, and my daughter still sleeping upstairs—it’s obvious that the real joy of this holiday isn’t about the material gifts. The reason I feel so blessed and grateful is to have a chance to spend time with loved ones and family sharing in the prosocial acts of generosity and gratitude.
Conclusion: Learning to Love Yourself Is Central to Loving Thy Neighbor
Madonna once said, “Until you learn to love yourself, it’s impossible to love someone else.” I agree. As a teenager, I hated myself. The self-hatred made me a misanthrope who despised humanity. During adolescence, I struggled with overwhelming self-loathing and shame. I know from first hand experience that learning to let go of the grudge I held against myself was a fundamental first step for having the ability to “love thy neighbor as thyself.” If you hate yourself, odds are it will be easier to hate your neighbor, too.
One of the easiest ways to create an upward spiral of magnanimity and prosocial behavior—and to learn how-to love yourself and "love thy neighbor as thyself"—is to practice a simple four step loving-kindness meditation (LKM). Spending just a few moments each day sending compassion, empathy, forgiveness, and loving-kindness systematically can improve everyone’s health and happiness. Again, compassion and forgiveness towards yourself is a fundamental cornerstone of LKM and has to be the foundation of “loving thy neighbor as thyself.”
To practice LKM, all you need to do is systematically send compassion, empathy, and loving-kindness to four categories of people:
- Friends, family, and loved ones.
- Strangers around the world and locally who are suffering.
- Someone you know who has hurt, betrayed, or violated you.
- Forgive yourself for any negativity or harm you’ve caused yourself or others.
Doing LKM for just a few minutes every day can help rewire and restructure the brain, improve well-being, and promote health and happiness for all of us.
If you'd like to read more on this topic, check out my Psychology Today blog posts:
- "Our Amygdala Influences Kindness and Altrusim, Not Just Fear"
- "The Evolutionary Biology of Altruism"
- "Your Brain Can Learn to Empathize With Outside Groups"
- "The Neurobiology of Aggressive and Antisocial Behavior"
- "Evolution Does Not Reward Selfish and Mean People"
- "Madonna, Equanimity, and the Power of Non-Violent Resistance"
- "Small Acts of Kindness and the Neuroscience of Gratitude"
- "The Power of Awe: A Sense of Wonder Promotes Loving-Kindness"
© 2015 Christopher Bergland. All rights reserved.
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