The Subtle Art of Communication

The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply.

Communication is everywhere: without it, living forms would not be sustainable and would have survived for so long. Yes, you read it right: I said “living forms”, not “human beings”. If humans have evolved specific forms of communication, communication itself is not human-specific.

Every living being, let it be a bacteria, a plant, an animal, or a fungus, share the need to assess their physical and “social” environment, i.e. what and “who” is around them (“social” and “who” can take many forms and could be define as the living forms in the immediate surrounding). Once the assessment is made, the living forms are able to make decisions and communicate with their environment, sending threat signals or organizing cooperative networks.

Because communication is a key element of life, I thought I’d write a series of posts looking at the different aspects of HUMAN communication, drawing some parallels with other species along the way. So here we go: What is communication and how does it work in humans?

Source: Pixabay

What is communication? It is a phenomenon involving two actors (or agents or people), in which the Sender will send information through the environment that will be picked up by a Receiver, who will then make a decision and respond to the Sender by either sending information back or by doing something. So it is the process through which an individual shares information with another one, who will act on this information. A couple of important things here: it takes 2 to communicate and it’s a dynamic/reciprocal process. Talking to yourself is a very special case of communication and unless you do genuinely perceive you are talking to another entity present inside your brain, I’m not really sure it is communication stricto sensus.

How does it work? Communication can take multiple forms and use what we call different channels. A channel is a way of communicating and there are 4 main channels shared by all living forms:

• Chemical signals, i.e. smells and odors;
• Tactile signals, i.e. touch and physical contact;
• Auditory signals, i.e. sounds;
• Visual signals, i.e. visual displays, colors and postures.

Let’s take a closer look at each of the channels and the use among humans.

Source: Pixabay

Chemical signals: smells and odors.

You probably noticed that sweat has a very singular individual odor: not everyone’s sweat smells the same. Well, sweat is not just water released at the surface of the skin to help cool down, it also conveys odorous molecules specific to each of us. We’ll find some sweat not too bad to stand, or even attractive, while others will be very aggressive for our nose and we won’t stand it. That’s about smells. Regarding odors, humans have invented a way to enhance our natural body odor: perfumes. I’m pretty sure everyone remembers a time when they smelled a perfume and was like “wooo! That smells incredible!”. We wear perfume not only for ourselves but also (and mainly) to attract the attention of others. Just take a look at perfumes’ adds – it’s all about creating attraction and desire!

Source: Pexels

Tactile signals: touch and physical contact.

Touch is the most under-rated channel of communication and too often we underestimate its importance. At birth, skin-to-skin contact is recommended between parents and their baby to comfort the newborn and create a connection. Physical contact generates the production of oxytocin, the hormone involved (among other things) in social bonds and affection. It’s one the “feel good” hormones, specifically released when interacting with loved ones and when touching someone we like.

Touch (when appropriate) is good, giving a hug to a friend is good, a touch on the arm when you’re talking to someone is good. It strengthens the bond between individuals and shows we care for each other.

Source: Pexels

Auditory signals: sounds.

When communicating with someone, one of the most efficient ways to get an idea across is by using sounds, or verbal communication. The human language is the most elaborated form of verbal communication. Other species show the use of language but research has shown it is a simpler form of language compared to the one we display. When thinking about it, the plasticity and the syntax present in human verbal communication is really elaborated. We can use one word in tons of different contexts; the grammar and the structure of sentences are specific to every language and can be incredibly complicated. The development of language allowed our ancestors back in the caves to create complex social groups, highly organized, and displaying high levels of cooperation even among non-related members of the group, all for the common good. Language allowed humans to build cities and create functioning societies. Verbal communication is at the core of what we became.

Source: Pexels

​​​​​​​Visual signals: visual displays, colors, and postures.

My personal favorite: all that is said when no word is pronounced. From clothes, make-up, and hairstyle to body postures and facial expressions, the way we present can be as impactful as what we say (if not even more). In the animal kingdom, a lot of species rely on colors to attract potential mates. If the peacock is dragging around a massive tail, it’s for no other reason than female peacock having shown a preference for males with large colorful tails, imposing criteria for natural selection among males. It probably has to do not only with the fact that a bigger tail will produce a more impressing fan but also because if they are able to survive in a hostile environment with such a handicap, they probably have good genes worth passing on to the next generation. In humans, the choice of clothes can be a big deal: what color goes with what? How can we style this or that? Patterns or no patterns (in case of doubt – no patterns…)? What we wear and how we wear it in a big tell about us and can link to our personality. The same goes for hairstyles!

Those are “passive” giveaways; body postures and facial expressions are a more active form of non-verbal communication. They emphasize the verbal message and can provide nuances to the verbal content…as long as you're ready to listen!