How to Avoid Feeling Lonely in Later Life

The specter of loneliness looms large over our aging population. As we get old, loved ones die or move away, and the same is true for old friends. At the same time, health and mobility issues can keep us from going out and interacting with others.

Although studies show that older people are no more likely to suffer from chronic loneliness than other age groups, we do see that they have more difficulty climbing out of social isolation compared to their younger counterparts. It’s this fact that makes loneliness such a significant health risk, both physical and psychological, for older adults.

Thus, it’s important for healthcare providers and caregivers to understand loneliness among the elderly. In an article recently published in the journal Current Opinion in Psychology, psychologists Oliver Huxhold and Katherine Fiori outline what we know so far about the causes, consequences, and cures for loneliness in later life.

Three Levels of Social Needs

First, Huxhold and Fiori clarify the nature of loneliness in general. That is, loneliness isn’t just a state of being alone, since there are times when people seek out—and even enjoy—solitude. Rather, loneliness is a feeling that our social needs aren’t being met. Thus, it drives us to seek social interaction in the same way that hunger drives us to seek food.

Furthermore, the authors note that our social needs occur on three levels. On the top level, we need a few close confidants who give us a sense of intimacy and support. On the middle level, we need a broader social network that provides friendship and fun. And on the bottom level, we need connection with a community that we feel we are contributing to and from which we can derive a sense of respect. We can feel lonely if our needs aren’t met even at just one of these levels.

Of course, the cure for loneliness is to make efforts to get involved in the community and attend activities that provide opportunities for cultivating new friends. It can be difficult to get yourself out of a loneliness rut at any time in your life, as these feelings can lead to depression and negative attitudes about other people around you. If you find you can’t muster the effort or courage to put yourself out in the world, you should seek counseling to overcome your social anxiety.

That said, we find that older adults who have fallen into the loneliness trap often experience even more difficulty extracting themselves than do their younger peers. This is because they have a more limited capacity to engage in social activities. For example, health issues may keep them from leaving home as often as they’d like. They may also lack transportation to attend social events, especially if they are no longer able to drive themselves.

Quality Over Quantity

Huxhold and Fiori also note, however, that seniors tend to have better social skills than younger adults, which they’ve honed over their lifetime. For example, younger people are more willing to tolerate friends who bring drama into their lives for the sake of maintaining their social network, despite the toll it takes on their emotional well-being.

In contrast, older adults are more willing to sever ties with such people. Although this reduces their social network, it also reduces emotional distress. As a general rule, older adults tend to maintain smaller but more supportive social networks in contrast to the larger but more turbulent networks of their youth.

The best way to avoid loneliness in old age, then, is to lay down a solid social network before you get there. Too many people rely on their workplace to fulfill their social needs. They chat with colleagues during office hours, and socialize with them outside the office as well.

It makes sense to have good working relationships with your coworkers, but it’s also important to keep in mind that you will retire someday, and likely become disconnected from your former office social network at the office. That’s why it’s important to cultivate intimate relationships with your family members and at least a few close friends outside of the office. These are the people who will still be a part of your life after retirement.

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Escaping the Loneliness Trap

If you are already in your post-retirement senior years, how much loneliness you’re likely to experience depends greatly on your current circumstances. Americans pride themselves on their rugged individualism, and many older adults insist on living alone in their own homes even though staying with younger family members or in a senior community would afford more opportunities for socializing.

It’s not easy for those who have fallen into the loneliness trap to pull themselves out. If you’re still mobile, look for volunteer opportunities that will get you out of the house and interacting with others. Serving others is one of the best ways to boost your mood, and with the wealth of wisdom you’ve accumulated, you really do have something of value to offer to other people.

Those who are less mobile often need help from younger family members to advocate on their behalf. If you have an older family member who is socially isolated, take the time to help them build new social networks. Places of worship and community centers offer a multitude of opportunities for seniors to socialize, and many of these organizations provide free transportation.

The senior years can be a happy time in life for those who have built the social networks they need to support them. After all, it is the joy of the time we spend with others that makes life worthwhile, and that gives us a reason to look forward to each new day.

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