How to Use Grief to Grow

Grieving often begins because our experience of loss is significant enough to shake our core beliefs. This can leave us feeling shattered, challenging our abilities to see ourselves and the world clearly. This can be a precursor for transformation and growth, but growth cannot happen unless we spend enough time processing what has been lost and how the loss is impacting our lives.

Spending time with the overwhelming feelings and thoughts that come up in the aftermath of loss can feel challenging, especially if thoughts and feelings seem hard to control. There are some techniques, like breathwork and mindfulness, that can help us start to take inventory of the loss and how it has affected our life.

Constructing a new reality

Sometimes the new reality unfolding in the aftermath of loss can feel shocking. We might try to avoid facing it, and it can take time to let things sink in. This is normal, and eventually, it becomes important to spend time rebuilding beliefs that have been shattered and constructing new patterns in our new reality.

We can use breathwork and mindfulness here too, to start to deliberately steer our thoughts towards rebuilding. We might periodically think about how we can continue our bond with the person or identity we lost. Over time, we might also start to move towards acceptance of the new circumstances, giving ourselves permission to begin creating a new reality.

Spending time with the loss and our new reality

Spending time processing loss and constructing a new reality helps us identify beliefs about ourselves and the world that were shattered, and create new beliefs. This often leads to making meaning from what happened. We might realize our true passion lies in something brought to light by this process, and rededicate our approach to life in honor of that. We might realize a sense of personal strength that helped us get through the loss that we previously did not realize we had. This can be a transformative experience.

The process of growing through grief is not linear but usually fluctuates between these two parts of grieving over time. If we get stuck on one part without giving any attention to the other it can cause us to feel as though things are unresolved, and we may be distressed for longer.

Getting support

To process grief and move toward growth, we have to give ourselves tools to process the inevitable overwhelming feelings. Emotion regulation practices, like breathwork and grounding techniques, can help with this. Once we have tools for tolerating our emotions, practices like mindfulness and meditation can help us to begin spending intentional time thinking about loss and rebuilding. Grief partners, or expert companions, can also help us focus our thoughts on these aspects of grief, and recognize when we might need a break.

To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.