Well-Stocked Base Camp

Linda: When I think of climbers who take on the challenge of rigorous mountain trails at high altitudes in harsh weather conditions, I respect their careful preparation. Not only do they work out vigorously, but they have a well-stocked base camp filled with water, nourishing food, and medical supplies for possible injuries.

Source: Alejomiranda/Pixabay

Just like the well-prepared climbers, those in successful partnerships have a fully supplied base camp to embark on their adventures, be they career, athletic activities, or any of a myriad of choices that interest them. They can pit themselves against greater challenges, grow stronger, and take bigger risks because they feel confident that they have the security of their committed partnership to return to after the demanding climbs.

Their enduring commitment is the shelter from the harsh weather conditions. A golden partnership is characterized by delight, cooperation, harmony, collaboration, aliveness, and emotional and sexual intimacy. Such a relationship is built on a foundation of safety, security, and connection, where both partners have laid supplies in the base camp.

Here are some examples of those supplies:

• Establish a well-developed sense of self.
• Develop emotional self-regulation.
• Feel the security that both of us are welcomed, which allows a sense of openness and freedom.
• Feel that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors won’t be judged or criticized.
• Agree that each individual is the authority on their experience. We honor each other’s values, desires, and preferences.
• Respect each other’s differences and have the curiosity to learn from each other.
• Engage in the process of understanding our own inner life and stay committed to sharing our discoveries with each other.
• Agree that secrets, lies, and withheld information are destructive and live with authentic relating, resulting in honesty and integrity.
• Practice deepening the qualities of empathy and compassion.
• Have a strong intention to work effectively with our fears or anything else that blocks the flow of mutual love.
• Live our commitments to working with their irritation, frustration, resentment, anger, and lack of forgiveness that compromises emotional intimacy.
• Search for an awareness of our needs and a willingness to expose them.
• Create a sturdy friendship.
• Encourage and affirm each other’s growth.
• Establish equality.
• Deepen listening.
• Increase the ability to be vulnerable and to self-disclose.
• Enlarge generosity of spirit.
• Develop emotional and sexual intimacy.
• Express appreciation and gratitude frequently.
• Make repair attempts of various kinds, including apology and forgiveness.
• Open our hearts through committed listening, harmlessness, understanding, responsibility, patience, forgiveness, and loving-kindness.

These are just some ideas of what to place in the basecamp. Be sure to add your own. Because of the strength and security that these couples derive from their well-stocked camp, they set higher goals.

Taking risks, trying new things, and following the impulse for adventure and challenge are all amplified when we know that a well-stocked base camp is waiting for us as a safe haven. When we take the time and make an effort to prepare well for the climbs we take as individuals and those we take together, we are more likely to reach our goals. That base camp is the place where we and rest and refuel before pitting ourselves again.