What Ben Franklin Can Teach Us About Effective Negotiation

Shortly after declaring independence from England, America’s first diplomat, Benjamin Franklin, was sent to negotiate an alliance with the French as America was no match militarily for the British. The fledgling country was in desperate need of a reliable trading partner and military ally to supply war matériel. But how to convince the French to risk all-out war with mighty England, which at the time had the greatest naval armada in the world?

To the French, Franklin was already well known and respected as an inventor—the man who could control lightning—but they were unaware that he was also a life-long student of human behavior. His tools? Nonverbal communications and storytelling, which worked like a charm.

Utilizing every aspect of nonverbal communications from gracious manners, to dressing as the French did, to mirroring Parisian social norms, Franklin deployed nonverbals exquisitely both to communicate and, more importantly, to influence. Franklin adjusted to the all-important nuances of the French court as circumstances dictated. France, a “highly contextual culture,” according to anthropologist Edward Hall, required the most subtle of communication, which was even more so then, rich in symbols with highly ritualized rules of behavior and comportment for every setting — in many ways the very opposite of the highly unstructured culture of the thirteen colonies.

Out of necessity, Franklin reinvented himself from inventor/statesman, to a much-appreciated European style diplomat. He adopted the dress, demeanor, hair style, and their social ways—even powdering his wigs, because he understood that to echo the behaviors of his hosts, what we now call isopraxis, creates greater harmony. If that meant kissing the hands of the women, bowing to the men with exaggerated deference, wearing silk stockings, the latest shoe fashion, and meeting no earlier than eleven in the morning, he did as the French did. And yes, this self-made man who left school at a young age charmed them and, in doing so, he succeeded.

Keenly able to read body language as Walter Isaacson notes in his book, Benjamin Franklin: An American Life (New York: Simon & Schuster), Franklin could, in real-time, use his own body language to not just influence others, but also to detect when there was hesitation, reluctance, apprehension, distrust, hidden anger, or suspicion on the part of others. When he sensed that he could then pivot and adjust, address issues in the moment with greater confidence, remain silent if need be, or to know when to wisely break away and try a different approach on another day. Franklin’s example, in those crucial negotiations, is a graduate-level class for anyone who negotiates for a living.

As an educator in the use of nonverbal communication in negotiation, and an author who writes extensively on the subject, I am often asked what do I look for? My answer is simple — everything— just like Franklin looked for.

Everything I can observe that can give me useful insights is what I searching for in my interactions. Who am I dealing with? What is their personality like? Where are they emotionally? Are they stoic or talkative? Does culture factor into the negotiation? What is their level of receptiveness? What is their background? How much emotional luggage is there to work around or through? What is their agenda? Are they being reasonable? What do they fear? What is being avoided? Do they want or need to talk about other things before we can move toward a common objective? What is their communication style? As we converse do I see changes in behavior that might indicate discomfort, dislike, reluctance, concern, or even a wish to leave? Or do they seem more engaged, relaxed, less tense, more pensive, less combative, more cooperative? Are there distortions of the face I see consistently and reliably that tell me there are issues or concerns that I can use later or another day?

In negotiation, we are assessing for every nuance and scrap of useful information being transmitted by others — from how they are dressed, to who walked in first, who spoke last, where do they sit, what are their spatial preferences, what is their cadence of delivery, who looks where and when, and are they in nonverbal agreement with each other or are there kinks in their armor? Sometimes the CEO says things that make the CFO cringe, and we know it the minute there is any kind of facial distortion.

The nose up, elbows out, finger steeple proclamations of the person negotiating with me speak to me with clarity as I note in my book Be Exceptional (Harper Collins) as well as when I see a cathartic exhale, elbows closer to the body, with the thumbs down while sitting with interlaced fingers—the former is saying I am confident of what I am thinking and saying — the latter is saying I lack confidence.

My assessment process continues at all times because that is what I use to determine when I speak, whom I will address first in a large group, whom will I reward with my facial inflections, who will hold my gaze and who will not, and when is the best time to begin the actual transaction — the essence of why we are there. Franklin did the same thing. Why? Because it matters.

Whether we are negotiating with a multinational corporation, a school board, or a neighborhood council, it does not matter — nonverbals are a useful and necessary adjunct to both understanding others and influencing them.

What about the verbal side of negotiation? Once again, Franklin instructs us. It was during his famous meetings after hours, in the salons of Paris, with officials and their influential wives that he famously used his storytelling to persuade. If only we could have recorded those conversations because storytelling is such an important part of negotiation.

Body Language Essential Reads

The Beauty of the Chin in Revealing Our Sentiments

Alexei Navalny’s Use of Subtext and Symbolism Lives On

Those famous salons are no longer available to us and negotiation now takes place more directly, so, I asked renowned Harvard negotiation scholar Joshua Weiss, the author of The Book of Real-World Negotiations: Successful Strategies From Business, Government, and Daily Life (Wiley) to share how storytelling, in this day and age, can make a significant difference in negotiations. Here is what he had to add to the equation.

At its heart, effective negotiation is about a number of key elements, with persuasion being one of the most critical. Given that truism, how do negotiator’s go about persuading others to do what they would like them to do? Many people seek to use simple logic – drawing a clear line from point A to B and then to C. However, there are many other ways to persuade people in negotiations that are still somewhat unexplored. One of the most interesting is the use of stories. Consider this fascinating perspective from Vanessa Boris, a psychologist and storyteller: “Good stories do more than create a sense of connection. They build familiarity and trust and allow the listener to enter the story where they are, making them more open to learning. Good stories can contain multiple meanings so they’re surprisingly economical in conveying complex ideas in graspable ways.”[1] Simply put, stories provide an amazing payoff if done well. Let’s unpack this quote from a negotiation perspective and tie it all to the art of storytelling.

First, Boris explains that stories are a key tool for creating a sense of connection between people. This is an essential skill in negotiation given it is an interdependent process and negotiators need to get the other to say yes or they don’t get what they want. Let me share an example to explain this further. I was working on a project in the Middle East and this endeavor took me to the Sinai Peninsula to meet with some potential Bedouin partners to see if we could find a way to work together. Under a star-riddled sky we sat around a blazing campfire up against a majestic mountainside. Gentle echoes rippled as we talked and laughed together. We naturally began sharing stories. This is where nonverbals are handy, finding the right moment and time to begin storytelling. We could not have been from more disparate places. Me from the suburbs of Boston. Him from the vast deserts of the Sinai. But then he began talking about the story of the biblical Abraham – a figure central to many billions of people across the planet. The story he shared was almost exactly the one I had learned as a child. Through the use of voice, tone, and cadence, the nonverbals we call prosody, we mirrored each other. Instant familiarity and connection followed by a fruitful negotiation and the budding of a subsequent partnership…all due to a shared story, and thus, a shared connection.

Second, Boris mentions that stories enable people to enter where they are and not where others want them to be. This is a crucial point for negotiations. Often negotiators start from very different places. Think about a hostage negotiation. The hostage negotiator is starting from a place of getting the hostage-taker to come out peaceably with the hostages unharmed. Conversely, the hostage-taker often has no intention of negotiating and is much more focused on getting what they want and fleeing the situation to someplace safe. The negotiators involved could not be in more different places mentally. But then something happens. The hostage negotiator begins to talk with them and share stories of how this can end in a manner that is not disastrous for the hostage-taker. Further, the hostage negotiator uses stories to build rapport – often sharing instances of similar situations and how those ended peaceably. By sharing these stories the hostage negotiator is giving the hostage-taker an opportunity to find their own way into the story. As the hostage negotiator paints of picture of what might be possible, the hostage-taker begins to see themselves in the scene – perhaps even a hero of their own version of the story.

Finally, Boris offers up the notion that stories contain multiple meanings and are surprisingly economical in conveying complex ideas in graspable ways. These sentiments are very important for negotiations. Let’s analyze each of these separately.

When it comes to the first idea of stories containing multiple meanings, I have been privy to a few situations where I shared a story with one intention that did achieve that goal, but also had the impact on the listener of them adding their own additional insight that provided a breakthrough. Let me share a recent example of what I am referring to. Not too long ago I was serving as a negotiation consultant to an engineer who was working on a big project with a city in the northeast of the United States. The Engineer, who was serving as the project manager (PM) and who we will call Earl, had run into a problem with the city PM, who we will call Carl, that required some difficult negotiation. Carl was not budging on the solutions offered. Something was going on, but it remained a mystery. Then we decided to shift strategies. I asked Earl if he could think of a story he could share with Carl that was a similar kind of problem that offered a mutually beneficial solution. After some thinking Earl realized he had a very good example from a few years hence. Some days later the two met again — Earl began by simply asking if he could share a story. Carl agreed. Earl shared the example, which included working with a young inexperienced PM and how Earl had helped him solve the same type of problem, and importantly, how he helped him sell the solution to his boss. Almost immediately Carl’s demeanor changed. Carl appeared to be much more open and receptive to what Earl was saying. After Earl finished the story Carl said, “I really think we can do something similar here and you put your finger on a problem I have been having. I didn’t know how to take this back to my boss and explain it to him, but now I do. I can share this story, and it will not only help me explain the solution, but demonstrate my knowledge to him, which is really important at this stage of my career.” Problem solved!

In terms of the second idea expressed by Boris, of stories being very economical, I have noticed that when negotiators try to persuade each other they can go on ad nauseum about concepts and reasons why one course of action is preferable to another. I have found that this is not really effective in helping others change their own minds or seeing a different reality. But a powerful story with an easy-to-understand lesson — they are magical and help to transform people, often without them even realizing it.

Ponder the following story from my book, The Book of Real World Negotiation. A father, who we will call Marcel, and son, who we will call Louis, had never really seen eye to eye on anything over the course of their lifelong relationship. Put differently, their relationship had always been rife with tension. Marcel ran a successful medical supply business. Louis managed another company. Marcel was getting close to retirement and desperately wanted one of his three children to take over the business. Two of his children were working in very different endeavors and had no interest at all. Louis was the only real possibility. Marcel and Louis tried desperately to negotiate a mutually acceptable arrangement, but their past history and personality conflicts kept getting in the way. There just seemed to be too much baggage to find a way forward. Enter a consultant, who Marcel brought in, to try to help them negotiate a solution. When the consultant began to work with the two of them he could clearly see Marcel and Louis’s past history getting in the way of what otherwise seemed possible. So, how did he go about transforming their relationship and helping them reach a deal? With a story about another father and son who had a similar problem and overcame their differences only to create an extremely profitable business that also transformed their relationship over time. Just like that, Marcel and Louis could now see what had been invisible to them. After a lot of hard work they reached a thoughtful and realistic agreement that stood the test of time and made them both very happy in the end. The story was the key to changing their hearts and minds.

Conclusion

Whether you are negotiating with a team of executives, a world leader, the local school board, or your teenage children, let nonverbal communication give you insights into what is in the heart and mind of others so you can be more effective. Combined with storytelling, which is an economical way to get an important point across with lasting effects, you have a recipe for a more powerful negotiation approach that will be applicable in virtually all of your negotiations.