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I shuddered as I selected the title for this article.
After all, I am writing as a therapist. I studied long and hard to become a therapist. I went through the battery of career testing. I reflected long and hard. I studied for two years after college, went through my own personal counseling (and still do from time to time), paid for personal supervision of my cases. And that was just the beginning!
The learning curve never stops. I am passionate about my life mission, which is to bring hope, understanding and solutions to my family, my friends, my counseling clients, and everyone who reads my articles.
But, I'm human. Full of flaws, assumptions, prejudices, and mistakes. I've made some really bad mistakes over the course of my career. But I hope I'm learning, and growing, and getting ever better at what I do.
Part of my ongoing training is to listen to my current and potential future customers and clients. I can do this by reading the trends regarding autism and aspergers on Twitter. Or by reading articles and books written by Aspies.
One of the most enlightening experiences I've had, though, is reading threads and participating in Asperger forums on Facebook and LinkedIn, as well as other places across the net.
Here are some warning signs of a terrible therapist. If you are a fellow therapist, I hope you will take heed so that you don't get fired by your clients!
Making Assumptions
This complaint is high on the list of grievances from individuals on the autism spectrum. Recently, I personally went through a continuing education class/seminar. We were there to practice our listening skills. There is a huge difference between being "talked at" versus being "listened to." Carl Rogers, a key thinker in psychology, got a lot right when he spoke of listening with the intent of correct reflection and deep empathy.
Don't ever assume, as a therapist, that you have the corner on the truth of what it's like to be on the autism spectrum. Or that you have the correct theoretical orientation when it comes to counseling.
Treat every person as unique. Each person is a universe of individuality, and as therapists we must take the time to understand that person, and to communicate that understanding.
Lack of Humility and Curiosity
The opposite of these two qualities, I suppose, would be arrogance and laziness. If I ASSume, as above :), that I know all there is to know about psychotherapy, in general, and autism/aspergers, in particular, then I won't be open to learn from my client. I've heard many Aspies complain that their therapists were too quick to diagnose, and too slow or unwilling to learn about Aspergers in general, and about them in particular.
Unwilling to Explain What Therapy Is
Maybe it's just an oversight, but I've read many complaints from individuals on the spectrum who were disappointed that they were never clear on what therapy is, and what the goals for therapy were. Part of any good course of counseling is to have a clear definition of counseling, as well as a joint discussion of what skills the client wants to develop, as well as what problems need to be resolved.
Unwilling to Ask For Feedback
I learned about this hallmark of excellent therapy from Dr. Scott Miller, who has pioneered research in what makes for great, not good, therapy. Not surprisingly, it's important that each individual in counseling be able to identify whether s/he is making progress in counseling toward previously defined goals; to feel listened to and respected; to feel comfortable with the therapist's approach and methods; and to feel that the therapist is engaging their feedback.
The only way we will know, as therapists, if we are on the right track, is to ask for feedback. I recommend Dr. Scott Miller's outcome rating scale and session rating scales, located at his site.
These are a warning signs indicating that you may want to fire your therapist.
Before You Fire Your Therapist:
I'm now speaking as an NT and as a therapist. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater! As an individual with autism, I know you have had painful experiences, felt misunderstood, and may be bitter toward this NT planet in general. However, there just may be some therapists out there who care enough about you and about Aspergians in general to:
- continuously learn more about the autism spectrum
- treat you as a unique individual with a host of strengths
- be willing to be respectfully hones with you about areas you need to grow in
- be willing to admit when they are wrong
- explain the therapy process to you
- ask for ongoing feedback from you as to how you feel the therapy process is going.
I encourage you to give therapy, and your therapist, at least six sessions before you judge the entire process to be a waste of your time.
And if you feel that this therapist is not a good fit for you, don't give up on therapy in general. Be willing to try a second or third therapist. While I have read a lot of disappointing accounts of therapy in the different autism and aspergers forums I am a part of, I have read some success stories. The right therapist can inject hope and solutions into a situation that seems hopeless. I hope you will find that experience to be true.
What are your thoughts and experiences with therapists, whether speech therapist, occupational therapists, or psychological therapists?
Do you have suggestions for the therapists reading this post?
Do you have suggestions for fellow Aspergians as to how to make the best of therapy?
photo credit: smemon87
