Can Technology Make Us More Loving?

It may seem far-fetched in the political situation we live in right now to talk about love. But I think especially because of the charged news we come across every day, we need to talk even more and louder than ever about love. I am not talking about romantic love, but the love we all are, seek, and that connects us—even the most diverse of us.

We need social connections to survive. It’s as simple as that. People who feel lonely are more likely to die prematurely at rates comparable to smoking daily. The surgeon general proclaimed in 2023 that we are living in an age of a loneliness epidemic and that social media is partially to blame. While there is some truth to that, there is also hope.

Two females taking selfi funny

Source: Photo by Andrea Piacquadio

Does (social) media hinder or foster our exchange of love?

The bad:

Research indicates that technology prevents kids from learning how to read emotions from people’s faces, which is a prerequisite for empathy and compassion. Research also indicates that we see an overall decrease of 40% in empathy in college students today, compared to college students 20 to 30 years ago, and it is argued that technology is to blame. If this is true remains to be seen as more systematic studies are needed.

The good:

For example, texting positive messages to one’s romantic partner, such as checking in if the other person is safe and well, sharing one's experiences with one’s friends, and letting others know one is thinking of them, has been shown to have positive effects on relationships satisfaction and happiness.

In a study I’m currently working on with my Colleague Saida Heshmati from Claremont Graduate University, we explored the role that technology plays in young adults’ life in sharing moments of loving connection with loved ones, friends, and colleagues (e.g., saying hello, sending a kiss emoji, thanking someone etc.). Often, we think of Instagram and Snapchat simply as channels of entertainment, or more so, distraction, but in today’s life, those channels may also be used for more than meets the eye. Our preliminary results do indeed indicate that some channels, for some interaction partners, are great avenues for exchanging moments of loving connection. For example, young adults indicated using text messages as the most common media channel to exchange moments of loving connection with many interaction partners, including partner/spouse, parent, sibling, and friends. In fact, texting is used more often than in-person exchanges of love with one’s spouse/partner, parent, sibling, extended family, and friends. And that stays stable even post-pandemic.

What these results indicate, is that technology allows us to send quick moments of love during the day to our loved ones and allows us to express how we feel in the moment as we go about our workday.

Young male smiling on phone

Source: Photo by Andrea Piacquadio

It allows me to express myself in the moment when I am just thinking about my friend when I saw this cute-looking blouse at the store, or just saw this funny reel on Instagram that reminded me of something I laughed about with my partner the night before. It allows me to share my feelings in the moment (good or bad), which, before the mobility of our tech, I was not able to do.

Research has shown that exchanging micro moments of loving connection are powerful boosters for well-being. Our data seems to support this. For example, our data indicates that when young adults use Instagram or Snapchat to exchange love with their partner or spouse, it reduces their negative emotions, increases their satisfaction with life, and decreases their loneliness. When young adults exchange love with their parents, phone use and Instagram seem to be beneficial for increases in satisfaction with life, and friends exchanging love via text or Snapchat reduces young adults’ feelings of loneliness.

In Conclusion

While we still need to further explore our data and submit our work through rigorous peer review, I think we see an unappreciated potential that digital communication tools can provide for young adults.

I think it is important to continue to explore the way young adults not only interact with each other via mediated means in general, but also how moments of loving connections are fostered, or even heightened in their daily lives through their digital technologies.