How About Guaranteed Calm – For You Or Your Child?

It's a new school year - exciting, stimulating, maybe a little anxiety producing. Parents are back to the grind of logistics of getting kids around. The economy isn't exactly relaxing and school expenses mount up. All kids face some kinds of challenges in school. Learning can be frustrating at times, and navigating the social scene takes "cool" whether in 4h grade, college or in plain old adult life. Mangaging relationships with our families, friends and co-workers can be stressful, and we're not at our best when we're stressed.

There's a tool for staying calmer. It's easy, portable, and has no side effects. Sound good? It's been around for a very long time, and it was named "the relaxation response" by Dr. Herbert Benson 40 years ago. Listen to Dr. Benson himself explain it: http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=7392433

The relaxation response is similar to Mindfulness Mediation, and there are many techniques. What they all have in common is relaxing the body, attention to breathing, and concentration on a word, an image, a phrase, sounds in the room; whatever works to bring your mind out of the daily rush of thoughts. It's OK to have thoughts intrude, but you simply go back to your focus when you realize you're thinking. You can't mess it up.

When I teach this, I often pair breathing with visualization: imagining a special, enjoyable place, and vividly imagining all the details, such as the colors, sounds, textures, smells, temperature and sensations that would be there. It can be a haven you bring everywhere with you.

Other techniques focus on being in the moment, attending to sounds in the room, a word, or a sensation in the body, or on repeating a phrase or word. Transcendental Meditation teaches a specific phrase to use. One effective technique I teach is to imagine breathing in and out through your heart, focusing on a positive image or feeling you've had. There's more on this technique on www.HeartMath.com, including tools for biofeedback to monitor relaxation. They also offer free ideas for stress reduction: http://www.heartmath.com/personal-use/reducing-stress.html.

For children, I often recommend having relaxation as part of a bedtime ritual. It makes going to sleep easier, and teaches how to relax. Dr. Benson suggests practicing relaxation for 10 - 20 minutes a day to have a response that makes changes in your body as well as your mind. If your kids are less than enthusiastic, it's OK to reward them for cooperating. For yourself, Dr. Benson recommends early in the morning, although any time of day can work as long as you are consistent.

There's been a significant amount of scientific research on the benefits of meditation, suggesting it makes us sharper as well as calmer. Take a look at http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/04/100414184220.htm. Research has also found mindfulness meditation, which elicits the physiological relaxation response, effective in dealing with chronic pain. Here's a link to a CNN program focusing on this work: http://www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/04/05/meditation.reduce.pain/index.html and to a report of research at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center: http://www.wakehealth.edu/News:

Releases/2011/Demystifying_Meditation_%E2%80%93_Brain_Imaging_Illustrates_How_Meditation_Reduces_Pain.htm.

Imagine if someone had taught you meditate or relax as a child, and it was as much part of your day as brushing your teeth. You could use a "mini-relaxation" for a minute to calm down before taking a test, dealing with your friends, your partner or relatives, talking to your boss, or meeting deadlines. It's a life tool that can be life changing. Why not learn it yourself, and teach it to your kids now?