What's Good About What's Bothering You?

It's easy to sink when you're faced with a problem or ongoing situation that you don't know how to change.

Source: Marcia Ann/Pixabay

What you can do? Find a silver lining in the very thing bothering you or try to think about it differently. In a new international study, experiments showed this old advice works, cutting negative emotions and increasing positive ones in people from many cultures. Altogether, the study analyzed responses from more than 21,600 volunteers from 87 countries.

What the researchers did

They gave volunteers a five-minute lesson in ways to change their thinking and then showed them photos related to the COVID-19 pandemic. Other volunteers saw the same photos but didn’t get the lesson. Before and after viewing the photos, everyone answered questions about how much they had been feeling fear, anger, sadness, distrust and stress, hope, gratitude, love, inspiration, and serenity.

The lesson about how to change your thinking taught one of two techniques. In the first technique, you change your focus away from your negative emotion. In the second technique, you look for the cloud’s silver lining, a positive spin about the very thing that is bothering you.

The training in the study gave these examples: To think about COVID-19 when anxious, “I know from world history that keeping calm and carrying on gets us through tough times,” was an example of shifting focus, and, “Medical systems are now learning to deal with amazing challenges, which will make them much more resilient in the future,” was an example of finding the silver lining.

Source: Public Domain/Pixabay

It turned out that the two approaches worked equally well both for cutting negative emotions and increasing positive ones. That outcome held even in countries that were experiencing more COVID-19 deaths than others. If you’re thinking “No way, this will never work for me,” it might interest you to know that the volunteers got an emotional lift even if they expressed a lack of interest in following the instructions.

Here are some more examples.

You’re sad your elderly mother declined during the months you couldn't see her because of rules in her nursing home. Shifting focus: “She’s so cheerful, what a strong person she is.” Silver-lining: “Now she’s got a video set up and we can do calls that way.”

You’re ashamed you’ve been watching TV instead of working on projects. Shifting focus: “It’s lucky to have a safe way of enjoying family time at home.” Silver-lining: “I now have more to talk about with my kids.”

You’re angry because every time you go to the supermarket, you end up spending more money. Shifting focus: “Thank god, there’s plenty of food to buy.” Silver-lining: “These high hamburger prices are making me buy more chicken and eat more beans, which is better for my family anyway.”

You're anxious because your daughter isn't vaccinated and is dating. Shifting focus: “I’m glad she’s having fun.” Silver-lining: “All these dates means she’s probably been exposed by now and isn’t someone who will get very sick.”

You're angry you have to wear a mask at work. Shifting focus: “I’d rather work than be stuck at home and thank god, I still have a paycheck.” Silver lining: “This mask means I can eat garlic at lunch and not worry about my breath and I can smile behind my mask when my boss is being ridiculous.”

Taking action to change a bad situation is very likely to make you feel better. But when you’re forced to wait it out, changing your thinking could help you more than you’d guess.

When it's very hard to think about it differently, try talking to a friend who you've noticed has this skill.

A version of this story appears on Your Care Everywhere.