Does the Summertime Make Grief Go Away?

This might seem like a strange question, but the answer is no. Grief takes as long as it takes; it has no deadline. The changing of seasons, the time of day, the day of the month, or even the weather make no difference to grief.

Grief doesn’t care who you are, what you look like, how old you are, whether you are rich or poor, old or young, male or female. Grief is grief and works in its own time.

I have heard people say, it is sunny today, and it is the summertime, so I think I am through with my tears and grief and ready to move on. That would be wonderful if it were true for everyone. However, grief has no boundaries and could care less about the weather.

Summertime can be a wonderful time, but often the activities and the trips you and your loved ones were planning were going to be in the summertime, and now you are alone or planning a trip without them, thinking you will have a wonderful time, and perhaps you will, but be prepared if grief joins you on your trip.

One of the problems people who are grieving have is that one never knows when grief will strike again. It is like when the bereaved are feeling better, and then out of nowhere, they might hear a song that reminds them of their deceased loved one, or smell cologne that their loved one wore, or get a phone call or card from a friend asking about how their loved one was doing—because they didn’t know that they had died.

Many of these incidences, as well as many others, can happen when they least expect it, and then the bereaved seem to take one step forward and two steps back—just when they are finally beginning to feel they are able to deal with how they are feeling.

These feelings can come and go, but unfortunately, they can last for many years and flare up when we least expect it.

What can you do when something unexpected happens, or you see someone unexpectedly, and they ask about your deceased loved one, or someone calls and asks to talk with them, or you are in the grocery store, and you are at the meat counter and realize your loved one adored steak, and you just break down in tears?

One way to deal with these “sudden cloud bursts” in your life is to take a deep breath, think for a moment, wipe away the tears (if there are any), and move on. If you need to answer someone on the phone or someone you encounter while you are out somewhere, do the best you can and move on.

It does not mean that you are sick, crazy, or need a therapist or psychiatrist; it just means you had a “sudden cloud burst” in your life, and you will and can get through it now and in the future.

Just remember, when you have lost a part of your heart, there is no time limit to your grief. Take as long as you need to get through the loss of your loved one, whether it is a person or a beloved animal, and don’t let others rush you through your grief and tell you you should be doing better than you are.

It is OK not to be OK! Everyone grieves differently. If the way you are grieving is helping you and working for you, then it is the right way for you to grieve the loss of your loved one.

However, if you are struggling and having a difficult time, perhaps you might consider getting some help from a grief group or an individual grief therapist. Many times, it just helps to talk with someone who will listen and not tell you to “Get over it” or that you need to “Move on.”

Remember, grief takes as long as it takes. And the season, weather, and time of day do not matter to grief.