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Finding peace, unconditional acceptance of self, or relief from addiction, anxiety, depression, or shame, (to name a few) is what we all want in life. Yet, despite potentially years of therapy (myself included), this sense of compassion and calm can remain elusive. One way towards healing is "homecoming."
Throughout the ages, whenever warriors went off to battle, they were given a heroes’ welcome when they returned home. The homecoming was a celebration marked by feasts, tributes, and formal acknowledgment of appreciation and indebtedness. In addition, the heroes’ social status gets lifted as a sign of the community’s show of affection.
In Greek literature, "nostos" is the word associated with homecoming where an epic hero returns home, often by sea after experiencing trials and tribulations. The elevated status of the hero is known as "kleos" in Greek which is closely related to glory. The theme of nostos is brought to life in Homer's The Odyssey, where the main hero Odysseus tries to return home after battling in the Trojan War.
A comparable Biblical story is one of the Parable of the Prodigal Son. The wayward son spends time away squandering his father’s inheritance but when he returns home instead of scorn, derision, or abandonment, he receives a hero’s welcome. This is the goal in healing and transforming parts of yourself you may hate.
Homecoming is about coming home and feeling loved again (if not for the first time). It is experiencing our natural and permanent relationship with divine love. It is welcoming love into our lives – to give love a homecoming with us. But this is hard to achieve because this kind of homecoming may require one to welcome home loyal soldiers or parts of us that have led to negative consequences (e.g. addiction, anger, defensiveness, shame, etc.). Those who experience a significant level of transformative healing learn to separate the negative consequences from the original intent beyond their legions of soldiers who have actively worked to help your survival.
For example, my defensiveness started at a young age to protect me from cultural, family, and societal harm (i.e. family expectations, playground bullying, insults and demeaning or invalidating comments). Over time, this army of sorts grew and stayed vigilant to the point of seeing everything in its path as potentially threatening which led to more defensiveness and negative consequences (struggling to acknowledge fault, marital difficulties and divorce, etc.).
In a counterintuitive therapeutic technique, I finally stopped insulting, blaming, and holding negative feelings towards my defensive soldiers. Instead (and with the help of my therapist), we had a “Homecoming” for these parts who have done nothing but ensure my survival, starting at a young age. Emotionally, there was integration where something clicked and my whole self was able to honor their protective function. In the past, I thought I had appreciated their work, but it was done in haste and without real appreciation or elevation of their status. I may have mentally thanked them but wanted them to quickly go away and leave me. In this more recent case, I did what the Greeks would’ve done but giving them a proper nostos complete with giving them the “kleos” or glory they deserved.
This kind of healing by way of a homecoming can be done with any thoughts or behaviors you want to change, but the core principle is learning to give them a proper and celebratory homecoming for the protective and positive intention behind whatever damaging consequences they may have caused. Give them, what they know they deserve, a hero’s welcome home.
