Busting a Key Misconception About Mindfulness

Approximately 30 years ago, mindfulness was a fringe topic.

Now you see it everywhere when it comes to mental and physical health. But myths and misconceptions prevail. Particularly harmful is the misnomer that mindfulness is an individually focused or a "solo project." It's mostly concerned with improving relationships, families, communities, nations, and the world–collective harmony and peace.

web of people

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You Matter

The truth is that we all affect more people than we realize. We matter. You matter more than you know. Thus to be socially responsible, we must treat ourselves and others with compassion and care.

One key way to do this is to care for your mind; prepare, condition, and train your mind to be as calm, clear, and kind as possible. Ironically, the better you care for yourself and your mental health, the better "you" you bring to the world.

Mindfulness is a social and civic project.

On this note, mental training in mindfulness becomes primarily a social enterprise and, ultimately, a civic duty. As we practice, we are learning how to best use our minds to be our best selves for others. This makes us better partners, parents, neighbors, drivers, siblings, and friends, paving the way for a better, more connected, more peaceful world.

Mindfulness is built on connection and compassion with others at its roots. You don’t have to go on a retreat or sign up for lessons with a meditation teacher to experience the benefits of mindfulness in your relationships. A few minutes of practice a day can make a big difference to where significant people in your life can notice a remarkable change.

Mindfulness research in the last 10 years supports its social focus.

One of the most important neuroscientific developments in the past two decades has come from increasingly robust literature documenting mindfulness-induced changes in brain regions responsible for social and emotional intelligence (Atkinson, 2013; Donald et al., 2018). This body of research suggests that most people may be unable to make significant progress in reacting more effectively during stressful or challenging interpersonal situations without developing a more flexible nervous system, ideally through mindfulness practice (Quinn-Nilas, 2020).

This means that if you want more interpersonal success, which could be social, reducing road rage, decreasing arguments with your children or partner(s), dating, with your colleagues, or extended family, it doesn't make sense not to have a mindfulness practice, even if only a few minutes a day.

Conclusion

Although we may individually practice mindfulness in isolation, a big part is being better for others and contributing to a better world. You might want to experiment with being kinder and more compassionate with your partner(s), family, friends, or colleagues.

In the words of Sam Harris, from his Waking Up app, what would it be like to be a little friendlier and hold up your side of the relationship just a little more? This doesn’t mean being a pushover or accepting abuse but just bringing and channeling your most calm and regulated self. It may be the most important thing you ever do. To keep my relationships with my family, friends, clients, students, supervisees, and community strong and healthy, mindfulness was the most important thing I learned and practiced.