Coercive Control Becoming Criminalized

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Coercive control and the severe harm it causes to those targeted by an intimate partner gets much-needed attention by new laws making it illegal in a few U.S. states. It’s now recognized that the recipient of coercive control experiences serious limits that it places on their basic human rights, such as freedom of movement and independence. We also know that coercive control is far more detrimental than physical violence and carries a long-lasting impact on a person’s sense of wellbeing. Criminalizing coercive control helps raise awareness, provides validation, and offers protection.

I received an anonymous postcard from Alaska that showed a picture of a team of dogs with the headline: “If you are not the lead dog, the scenery never changes.” The sender wrote:

Thank you very much for writing Women with Controlling Partners. I found it completely by accident…but it’s exactly what I needed to read. I’m a woman in my mid-thirties trying to leave a 10-year relationship that doesn’t quite fit the definition of abuse but is defined by very powerful, subtle control by my partner. The stories….helped me identify patterns of control and gaslighting…. I feel so much less crazy….much more on track and able to become my own ‘lead dog.’

For so many who experience coercive control and feel confused by their experience, the criminalizing of it helps us identify the behaviors, take them seriously, and recognize options for self-protection.

Defining Coercive Control

The National Domestic Hotline definition of domestic violence states that it’s a pattern of behavior used by one intimate partner to maintain power and control over the other partner in the relationship. Violence can be used to achieve control over another partner, but it’s not a necessary part–coercive control itself is sufficient to entrap someone.

Coercive Tactics and the Hidden Injuries

A 1973 report on torture, an Amnesty International publication, identified that brainwashing consists of a pattern of specific types of behavior that are effective in prisoner-of-war camps. Social psychologist, Biderman, developed the Chart of Coercion to identify the specific behaviors that for decades have also been recognized in the field of domestic violence as similar to what an intimate partner does to gain control over a partner. The coercive tactics are powerful, effective, and timeless.

Coercive control embedded in an intimate partner’s behavior is critical to recognize. Unlike physical abuse that leaves a bruise, coercive control depletes one’s sense of self – many report a loss of personal identity. Knowing the behaviors and the felt impact helps to recognize coercive control.

For example, the following three tactics and their hidden injuries are among those listed on Biderman’s Chart of Coercion:

• Isolation deprives the targeted partner of social support such as family and friends; in time, increasing dependency on the controller and eventually weakens the ability of the partner to resist what the controller wants. Being isolated can subject a person to harassment, humiliation, criticism, and punishments for maintaining connections with others. Additionally, the family and friends are made to feel uncomfortable when they are around. They come less or not at all. Activities outside the home can be undermined to make the partner feel. For example, they can’t trust their partner with the kids, so they stay home.
• Monopolization of perception (also known as gaslighting) is when the controller defines reality that’s often distorted and self-serving for their partner, relationship, and family. Gaslighting becomes all about what the controller believes and wants. Any thoughts and feelings by the other partner that are not in compliance invite being criticized, blamed, humiliated, etc. The recipient of this behavior, in time, develops confusion, self-doubt, and a loss of trust in their perception.
• Degradation is to humiliate and demean the partner to feel that their resistance is more damaging to their self-esteem than compliance. The humiliating attacks in this realm can be criticism of one’s character, body, behavior, parenting, etc. Also, degradation can be attacked in the realm of the partner’s strengths to undermine the targeted person since the controller experiences their strengths as threats to their control. Once self-esteem is lowered, the partner is more vulnerable to internalizing false accusations into self-blame.

Experiencing ongoing intimidation, humiliation or subordination is as harmful as physical abuse, with many victims reporting that the trauma from psychological abuse has a much more significant impact than physical abuse (Sheley, 2021).

Legal Protection for the Coercively Controlled

Coercive control is now being taken seriously because it can predict physical violence. It’s recognized that men who have killed their female partners often have dominated them first – sometimes without any physical violence. In fact, with 28 to 33 percent of victims, the homicide or attempted homicide has been the first episode of physical violence in the relationship. (Fontes, 2021).

With reliable research regarding coercive control in intimate relationships showing that it causes devastating harm and may predict future physical violence, domestic abuse advocates have called upon U.S. jurisdictions to address it. Other countries such as the United Kingdom, Wales, Ireland, France, Scotland, and Canada (Ontario) provide coercive control protection.

At this time, a few U.S. states have such laws:

• Connecticut (June 2021) signed into law what is recognized as the most comprehensive law of protection.
• California (September 2020) has a statute that allows evidence of coercive control as evidence of domestic violence in family court.
• Hawaii (September 2020) prosecutes a coercive control offense.

Emotional Abuse Essential Reads

Is It Emotional Neglect or Abuse? How to Tell Them Apart

5 Beige Flags in Relationships

Coercive control protection bills are currently pending in New York, Maryland, and South Carolina.

Protect yourself whether you are in a state with coercive control protective laws or not. Contact your local domestic violence program for support. Contact the Domestic Violence Hotline for confidential help or information regarding resources in your area. 800-799-7233

To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.

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