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At first blush, it seems odd to have the words COVID-19 and gratitude in the same sentence, no less the same blog post. But as a clinical psychologist who has been grappling with the tidal wave and ripples caused by this pandemic on a daily basis with my therapy clients, new facets of this tragedy continue to emerge. Not unlike theoretical models such as the famous Kubler-Ross “Stages of Grief” model (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance), in many ways, the ebb and flow of COVID-19 news and updates very much continues to unfold in unpredictable waves.
First, there was a general denial that COVID-19 would touch us all which stemmed both from political and individual ignorance. We knew of a few isolated cases, there were attempts at contact tracing, and a focus on rapid results test to determine who (accurately) was and was not affected. There was discovery of asymptomatic cases and the concept of “super spreaders.” There were bizarre symptoms such as “ COVID toes,” connections to the circulatory systems, multiple strains, and above all, fervent research on a vaccine that could save us all. But as the globe has been tossed about in the storms on a daily basis for the last six months and still bracing for an even longer period of time, a surprising theme appears to be emerging amongst the devastation: gratitude.
While many of my therapy clients early on were anxious and sad about missing spring break beach trips and graduations, and as more information on COVID-19 emerged, a bigger gravity sunk in. Schools may not open in the fall. We may be in quarantine for an indeterminate amount of time. When is it safe to venture outside for any non-essential but still important needs (e.g., to get our hair cut)? And then the even weightier elements that tug at our most basic human needs: food and shelter. Images of lines down the Costco parking lot in the middle of the day, empty store shelves, food pantries in dire need of donations and the masses losing jobs, on unemployment, and those unable to pay the rent.
Over time, I’ve observed complaints have turned into gratitude. Clients who spoke of being “stuck inside” now speak of gratitude for a roof over their heads and steady employment to help them ride out the storm. Teens who were struggling with family dynamics now speak of gratitude that they are safe in their homes and staying out of hospitals. While many of my college student clients have been eager to leave the nest, many now acknowledge the blessing of parents to pay their way, and online classes that will eventually amount to a degree and one day soon hopefully some type of paying job. Even those acquiring what would have previously been viewed as “menial” minimum wage jobs have gratitude because they know they could easily have nothing.
While gratitude does not entirely protect us of moments of sadness, loss, and grief at the countless ways we have directly been impacted, it does change the tenor of our conversations. When the pandemic hit, my husband and I had just sold our home with plans to leave the state for more sunshine, social and recreational activities. And yet we watched other states around us soar in cases, their natural parks shut down and everyone being forced to stay home. For the last year, we bemoaned living amongst Birkenstock-wearing, craft coffee-drinking introverts while we wanted to spread our wings elsewhere to soar. It is hard now not to feel gratitude for the privilege of being able to stay put. The sobering reality that social distance may change our social norms forever certainly gives us pause at the next steps in the journey of our lives.
Though there is certainly a part of me that is worried for our global mental well-being come the winter during shorter and darker days, I am hopeful that we retain our sense of gratitude and hope for the future. Those of us who can look back on these times and fondly think of baking banana bread or trying tie-dye during this time may be few and far in between as grave realities set in. But healthy doses of gratitude certainly go far in reminding us of all that we have even during perilous times.
