Why Sibling Relationships Matter at Midlife

I pretty much won the lottery when it comes to siblings. It’s a rare day when I don’t hear from at least one of my three sisters. Not only does technology make it easier than ever for us to stay in touch, but we genuinely like one another!

Inspired by my own situation, I recently decided to take a deeper dive into the science of sibling relationships. I was curious to find out if my experience of feeling close to and connected with my sisters is, in fact, the norm for siblings in midlife; and whether the four of us are likely to remain close as we continue to grow older.

This is what I found out.

Most adults who have siblings are in regular contact with those siblings. A recent study published in The Journal of Family Psychology found, for example, that the majority of adult siblings are in touch with one another at least once a week. And, when asked to comment on the quality of their relationships with their siblings, most adults described those relationships as being generally warm and conflict-free.

Sisters in particular are likely to report feeling close to one another. According to a recent study published in the Journal of Family Theory and Review, “Sister-sister pairs have the closest relationships, spend the most time together, and provide support to each other more than any other [sibling relationship] gender constellation.”

There’s no such thing as a one-size-fits-all sibling relationship. Every sibling relationship is as unique as the two siblings involved; and, what’s more, it’s not unusual for siblings to each have a very different take on how things are playing out in that relationship. As the authors of a recent study conducted at Brigham Young University noted, "the perceptions of one sibling may not match the other."

Some siblings benefit from being in contact with one another while other siblings do not. In some cases, spending time with an adult sibling simply serves as a painful reminder of past hurts and dysfunctional family dynamics. One study found, for example, “Even later in life, and regardless of whether parents are alive or deceased, adult children are sensitive to perceived differences in parental favoritism.” There’s also a solid body of research to show that individuals who identified as lesbian, gay, or bisexual tend to have less contact with their siblings than their heterosexual counterparts; and that socioeconomic differences between siblings can put a strain on sibling ties as well.

Siblings can be a tremendous source of support to one another as they grow older. Given that the current generation of midlife and older adults is much less likely to have had children and or to be in a relationship with a romantic partner than was typical for the adults in the generations that came before, midlife and older adults may be highly motivated to pour time and energy into their sibling relationships. Siblings can be a tremendous support to one another, after all—both by sharing the responsibility of caring for aging parents and by helping one another to navigate life's many storms. The takeaway message is clear: siblings have the opportunity to play a hugely important role in one another’s lives as they journey through life together.