What Coworkers Really Think About Office Romances

Maybe you're smitten by an adorable team member, or perhaps you've long been charmed by the humor of a colleague. Sometimes, your conversations feel borderline flirtatious. You're single. They are, too. Do you go for it?

Coworkers are expected to form relationships: platonic ones. Structures in the workplace help create these relationships. Coworkers are required to spend a lot of time together; they help each other navigate stressful times, new experiences, and happy successes; they might discover they share interests, hobbies, and values. With a foundation of familiarity, trust, and similarities, they might start wondering: Could this be something more?

Workplace Romances Are Common

By one estimate, over 60 percent of adults have participated in at least one workplace romance (Forbes, 2024). Workplace romances are sexual relationships that occur between people within the same organization. These relationships can be short-term or enduring; they can happen between same-level coworkers or workers in a hierarchical relationship. Critically, they are consensual relationships (we are not talking about sexual abuse or harassment).

Workplace Romances Introduce New Threats

People with workplace romances likely know that if their relationship is public, other employees will react to it. These outsiders may adjust how they perceive the new couple and how they behave around them. Think about it. If two people used to be just colleagues and are now together, outsiders will naturally shift to see them as a pair, and questions loom:

• Can you trust one partner with information the other doesn't need to know?
• Can you invite one person to a work-related event without the other?
• Does one partner have unfair access to information or other perks because of the relationship?
• What will happen if they break up?

These questions suggest that workplace romances introduce new threats that outsiders (and the relationship partners) must navigate. Concerns about romantic partners' intimacy, loyalty, and stability may change how outsiders relate to the people in the relationship. Perhaps this is why many people who enter workplace romances might do so carefully, even secretively, at first. Do they have a real reason to worry?

Workplace Couples Underestimate the Problem

As careful as they might be, people in workplace romances may not fully appreciate the negative effect of their relationship on their colleagues' perceptions. Recent research explored this problem, surveying 160 workers, half of whom had participated in a workplace romance and half of whom had not (Chory & Gillen Hoke, 2023). Here's what the researchers learned about people in workplace romances.

1. Outsiders trust them less. Trust is a cornerstone of an effective organization, and people in workplace romances are not too worried, believing others' trust is not impacted as much as it actually is. Outsiders tend to trust those in workplace romances less than people in those relationships think (Chory & Gillen Hoke, 2023).
2. Outsiders give them lower quality and less complete information. If trust matters, so does communication in a healthy organization. Unfortunately, people in workplace romances believe their relationship interferes with others' self-disclosure less than outsiders report (Chory & Gillen Hoke, 2023). Outsiders may be guarded or cagey in their communication on the chance that the information will be shared with the romantic partner.
3. Outsiders consider reasons for the relationship. Is the workplace romance for love? Fun? Job-related perks? To the extent that outsiders assume their colleagues entered their workplace romance for excitement (i.e., an ego boost) or benefits at work, these outsiders tend to trust them less (Chory & Gillen Hoke, 2023). Beliefs that the relationship is "for love" are not associated with the outsiders' trust.
4. Outsiders perceive more unfair advantages than do people in the relationships. Perhaps it's the "actor-observer" bias in action. Still, people in workplace romances tend not to see their relationship as introducing perks to the extent that outsiders perceive that it does (Chory & Gillen Hoke, 2023). Perceptions of unfairness may leak into outsiders' behaviors; they might be passive-aggressive, unhelpful, or deceptive.

Are Workplace Romances Worth It?

The potential harm of workplace romances is not seen by the people in those relationships as readily as it is by outsiders (Chory & Gillen Hoke, 2023). Organizations benefit from coworker trust and communication; these can both be undermined when people shift from colleagues to romantic partners (and the partners don't even realize the extent of it). Still, love is love: For some people, the benefits of being with someone are worth any professional hassle.

So what do you do if you think you're finding love at the office? The authors suggest that people in workplace romances might mitigate some of the potential workplace challenges by personally disclosing their new relationship status to others in their organization. Some evidence suggests outsiders react more favorably to workplace romances when they hear the news themselves (Cowan & Horan, 2014).

So, don't let others find out through the rumor mill. As soon as you're ready, be proactive in disclosing your (exciting) news.

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